Cannot make it

Gosh, I haven't blogged in like, over a week. If anything, I think I've been playing too much COD till quite late, so paisehhhh...

-.- Shouldn't have downloaded Temple Run on my dad's iPad. He plays it nearly everyday now..

I think my mind's cleared up enough for me to talk properly about this. And I don't know if you're going to read this, but I think both of you will.

To person number 1. Thanks for sending me that, even though I was kinda surprised also. And I guess I'm glad you did, cos it's troubled me before, and yeah, I sometimes do miss those times, even if they weren't the easiest, cos at least I knew I could count on you. Haiz, I wanted to wish you good luck for your Os, but I can't remember what I was preoccupied with. Sorry :P and I'm writing all this here because you know I'm not very good at talking directly to people lol. I know I should've tried harder also, but hey, at least you're not still trying to tear out my throat so yeah! Good luck, whatever JC you go to.

And I think I should be apologising to someone else. Although I feel strangely calm right now. I've still been thinking still, and I'll just add on that: I'm not ready. I'm sorry. And I'll never be good enough. I've disappointed more people than you think. Trust me, I'm not worth the time and effort. But I've already said a lot, so I'll just stop here.

Haiz, tmr supposed to have SSC platoon outing, land up so little people can make it. I think OBS was much nicer though.. more days, plus there really was time to bond, so yeah, I'm actually looking forward to the gathering (At Daryn's house, I think? Lol, he's a really... amusing person)

Aghh noo.. I wanna follow New Girl, especially cos Zooey Deschanel is totally adorable. But I always land up forgetting *facepalm* and not like I torrent also enough time to watch..

Soooo not looking forward to Sec 4. And I STILL haven't bought my books. *headbang*

Good Night

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Present

Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

It's getting kind of hard to do that, to appreciate ''now''. I keep thinking of what I'm going to do, what'll happen, and what if things don't go how I'd like it to.

Yesterday too tired to blog about the 61st POP, so here it is.

I think the fact that there was a screw up even before I entered HQ was already a foreshadow of the actual thing. The NSF gave me the female top -.- I pin all the buttons then realise ''eh wtf? Why no pocket'' So I chionged to HQ to faster change the top. Change already still got some time so I went to see the 11th PDS AI.. apparently both of my guys failed T.T But lucky Friday had retest, but only Jacob passed. Feel damn sad for Kenneth.. so after that went to draw items. First rehearsals went ok bah. But SM caught my hair, so that night I had to book out to go cut it. Nearest place was AMKHub. My hair is frigging short now -.- when I got back they prepping to go out buy food, so they jio me follow. In the end everyone buy so much food, next day also cannot finish. Next day wake up already, rehearsal started around the stated time. But that morning was damn hot, and the 61st already had pre-training, so during the rehearsals alot of them fell out. After that rehearsal, boom, everything haywire. No instructions, ended up stoning for hours. Halfway through the next rehearsal, Cat 1, whoom, everyone faster zao. In the end total only 3 rehearsals. Actual thing went ok for the parade. Managed to find Daniel, Ying Wei and Li Xin. Kinda stupid that none of them are even from my unit. I still can't get over the fact that AGAIN, we have no CLTs. Wonderful.

Now onto rage mode about the other conducting spec. Like, WTF MAN. WTF. During rehearsal screw up, nvm. Cannot shout, nvm. Missing right up to the rehearsal, nvm. But she still can tell me to do what. I say nvm, I watch you to start. ''Ok'', she says. Actual thing, march past starting already, still DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SHIT SHE'S DOING. OMG man, I seriously pity Luqman. Blur as don't know what, and NO ONE could bloody hear her. Luqman could do it 10 freaking times better. Haiz..

At least the syndicate performances were good.

Felt like a complete retard after the parade. Why ask, man?

I wonder who would watch my COC POP, if I got in. No one comes to mind.

To top it off, I have a bad feeling about next year's AAWC. The new DC... *shudders*

Next year promises to be a grim one. Hooray.

Good Night

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Confirmation Camp

And oh, I'm running to Your arms~~

Gosh, the weather right now is so nice I could just asleep halfway.

I have Forever Reign stuck in my head. Awesome.

ANYWAYS, I think it really was meant for me to go for confi camp. After I missed out on both Pearce and the dining in I was like: if I missed those, confi camp better be frigging awesome. And it was! Haha :D I was thinking wah, if I so suay just to go for the full camp, confirm is other People working. And right now I really believe that everything has a balance. You can have nothing, but somehow or other, you will gain everything else.

So like first day, I arrived slightly earlier than the rest. Then I was stoning outside the retreat house wondering how camp would go. So after everyone else arrived, sort out into group then more or less the normal intro stuff. I was with Edmund, Ryan, Chris, Raya and Annabelle. Chessina (I think that's how you spell?) was supposed to be in my group, but I heard alot of Lourdes people pon, so I guess she was one of them. So Chris Sim landed up in my group. Starting was kinda awkward cos Fernando was kinda nervous also. The other 2 facils Greg and Zoa weren't there yet cos they had school. Then Brother Jude gave his talk. In between got a lot of P&W sessions also. That night was like a preview of day 2, with all the intense praying and stuff. Next day we had games and all, which was superhappyfuntime. Especially the water bomb! And the broken telephone was damn epic. The first one was ''Brother Jude'', then everyone kept pointing to Greg, and the letter ''I'' on his t-shirt *facepalm* Almost no link. So after that we had confession.. I thought it would be more meaningful, but the priest was... haiz... just say all the normal stuff, so the confession felt very ''normal''. AND THEN, we had the night session. Everyone was kinda nervous and scared, cos the facils were all like hardcore preparing for it. Once the thing started, I kinda made up my mind beforehand actually. So after my turn, I was like ''whoah''.. then I look around and saw Tan crying. In my mind I heard someone say ''It's ok. See? Even Tan also'' and I think that's the point where everything came out. All the stuff I've been bottling up the last few months, all the shit that's happened recently, the confusion.. I think it was the first time I've cried about something happy. Actually not happy. It was more like... overwhelmed.

Haiz.. (I just realised I'm saying ''haiz'' more). Then I saw an ant on the carpet, so I picked it up and named it Bruce. Just because I felt like it.

So after that we had some testimonies. I'm not saying mine here. But it was at that point that I finally realised that everything happens for a reason. As in REALLY understood it. And I find it kind of funny that Christiane was also in a similar situation. Like she also applied to go overseas, but also didn't get in.

I guess all along in matters about Catholicism, I've always known ''I should do this'' or ''I should do that'' but never really got the guts. Cos I was scared people would think stuff about me. Like ''since when Jon Chew like that one O.o'' haha. But there, you find that it doesn't really matter at all.

Gosh, I wish I could just live in the retreat house for like, FOREVER. And just forget the outside world. And have P&W everyday! Haha.

I seriously hope I can maintain this. I think facilitating next year's camp sounds good. I have a feeling this is the start of something awesome in SBC.

PG!

Good Night.

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Again

Haiz, I just thought of Brom. Angela (ironic urh?) The Herbalist read his wyrd (fate) to be that he would fail at everything except one thing. Anyone recognise the Eragon reference?

Because dangling something and pulling it away at the last moment can break a person. It really does. And I thought this would be the thing that would make up for Pearce, or rather, the lack of it. It's not really due to the fact that I couldn't go. Rather, it's more because I put so much into it. I really did want to do it, no matter how nervous. And all I wanted to do was just scream. Because again, AGAIN, something's slipped out of my fingers. Wasted 4 hours just travelling to the damn camp and back. Wonderful.

Well, at least I've sort of gotten used to the disappointment. Maybe I just shouldn't expect anything much next time. Tried out Wendy's Baconator on the way home to comfort myself. I think people were staring at me cos I was acting really weird..

Haiz..

Con Camp tomorrow, I suddenly feel nervous about it. Ze Bin, if anything happens, you can be sure I won't give a damn about the overseas charges.

Short post bah, I'm tired ><

Good Night

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OBS Day 4-5

Nabei lah stupid blind linesman cost us 2 points... lucky shits. Draw like that still want celebrate. Gfy

Day 4
So that day we were going for the kayaking expedition. At first we thought we going Causeway first cos the other 2 groups went there. But cos of weather conditions we were supposed to only go around Pulau Ketam once before heading for Camp 2. Morning was damn screwed up cos it was hardcore muddy and everyone was cold and wet so unpitching the tents was like some shit. Then by right supposed to leave at 7am. But no one giving instructions so we all blur, delay until 7.45 like that before Muru came and took over. Landed up launching off at 8.15. The kayaking itself nothing much. I was together with Enzo and Long Boon which was like some hardcore imba shit. Haha then Fazli was the Cheng Ho navigator but he couldn't read the map. So enzo tanked everything. And we had to keep waiting for the behind people to catch up. Near the end it started raining a bit but it stopped after a while :P After we cleared our stuff thank God the instructors let bathe. Hardcore shiok sia that night the dinner. We had so much food left over so we tried cooking our own buffet. I was like damn guilty cos I was stoning through the first part of the cooking cos I didn't know what to do. Then I saw the Maggie no one cooking so I tanked that :P Had a feast :D 15 mess tins worth of Maggie, 5 mess tins of (burnt) rice, 3 mess tins of sardine, 2 mess tins of rendang, 1 mess tin of lo han chye, mushrooms and corn ^^ awesome

Day 5
Basically today clearing our stuff from the store and inventory check. Supposed to have dry activity, but lucky cancelled cos of rain. I only had 1 pair of long pants haha. Then we had a scare cos some stuff missing, but heng ah other groups had extra to cover up. Then we did the Johari's Window. I ended up getting a lot of ''friendly', but one guy say I emo hahaha wtf. We also got back our group photo. But Azfar not insideeeee! >< Haiz, how cool to see that in the photo we all strangers, but when we get it back, we all become friends :) After we got back to Punggol I queue up to buy the shirt. Screw up sia everyone keep cutting queue. Took me 1hr plus just to move through a 15m long queue -.- Heng ah got Ze Bin to lend me money. Then when I queueing I saw Chin Teng behind but 20mins later he in front of me buying shirt le lol..

Haiz, didn't have a proper goodbye.. but I think we'll be meeting up Daryn's house when he comes back :P freaking rich sia that guy

Went HQ today for the last aero session before the new DC comes in.. then they all buy stuff for her, I feel so guilty.. haha then Daniel woke up late, but tue moment he knew got food wah, he chiong to HQ. Mdm treated us to pizza, so nice :) and Jon Ho gave her flowers omg!! Hahahaha. Nvm, I'll get something for her ceremony instead :D too bad it rained so I flew about 2-3 times only :(

I guess that's about all bah..

Good Night

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