Getting super super irritated over nothing again but I can't say it cos it's just so fucking retarded. To any other person and even to myself it's an irrational clingy-ness, borderline madness. And that stupid green monster is showing itself again. Need to really wake the fuck up and realise my standing. Because after all it's still like 2 against what, half? The one's who get there first are the victors. I want to say I can't help it but that goes against everything I've said and it'd be hypocritical to do so. Never felt so down before and I can't even figure out why. Ok I know why but I should be able to fucking suppress this shit wtf. And I know that after like a few days I'll come back and look at this post thinking "what a whiny little bitch" but for now this venting will suffice. I guess maybe cos I used to think that this was always reserved (even know I knew otherwise) yet every time I realise, it just destroys that selfish notion. It really is selfishness on my part because wtf I can't even say that I'm the most suitable and shit and just that well not being up there sucks but it makes sense doesn't it. Or maybe I just thought that if I was the only one at this time it actually meant something and there was a glimmer of hope. For the longest time I guess I could put reality at the back of my mind because I didn't notice any signs for the longest fucking time. But I knew. I knew that it was still happening every other day and all I can hope for is that you weren't the one that started it. But I guess that's the case any other time. And even if it wasn't you it's not as if it wasn't welcome. And if I was in the other side's shoes I know I'd feel just as irritated actually but everyone always believe they're in the right innit. Oh well. Maybe I should just quit fucking whining like I tell everyone else to and actually get some shit done. And I hope this post won't be a reason but if it happens I guess it would be so whatever. It's something at least. Admire Timo for his courage and his willingness to get shit done because honestly he doesn't give a fuck when it comes to things standing between him and his happyness (Yes my English isn't that bad I just like thinking of the movie)
And I guess this is relevant (And actually really touching) but I know I'm gonna regret linking this sooner or later LOL.
Typing this out in Malaysia cos I know I'll be too lazy to type everything out when I get back and will probably delay it for days. Feeling kinda dizzy now (the ride?) so I'll see what I can fit in before I go bathe too.
So my original plan wasn't going so well. It was to try and stay up till about 3 plus playing LoL and shit so I could sleep in the car the whole way day. I do that half the time anyway. Land up the Major League Ponies weren't online so I kinda just slept around 2plus. *closeenough* In the end I slept in the car the whole way there anway. So nothing much there. We checked in slightly after 2 and just derped around until we had to go for mass. Checked out the room (which was damn cool!) and watched Avengers on TV lololol. The church we went to was ALSO SFX and it was reallyyyyyyy nice :D Went for dinner at this Nonya place and the food was heavenlyyyyy omg all the curry and asam and the RENDANG. Shiok max. Was singing retardedly with Timo at the back of the car on the way home. We attempted something in the range of a full rock concert featuring almost all the All Time Low songs LOL.
So next day (today) we spent almost the whole day at the theme park hehehehe ^^ Though breakfast in the morning made me feel like I was gonna have a sorethroat too LOL. Yaaaa so omg the theme parks were damn cool. Even considering that I'm not a "coaster person". Really fun trying out all the different stuff like the Tomahawk and the Haunted House at the end :D The Haunted House was damn cool LOL but I was venting my anxiety by laughing hahahaha. Though come to think of it I was laughing also because it really was that enjoyable when the zombies and pontianaks jumpscared us trolololol. Lunch at Subways, then we went for all the water stuff. We were damn excited about the Vuvuzuela which is this huge cone-shaped ride and you slide along the inner circumference of it. We went on that first then after that this racing board thingy-which I lost at first then won when we went again okay-and moved on to the section of tunnelly slidy thingies. Timo hit his head the last time he came and took the pitch black one so we went on the open air one hahaha. Brought back memories of the last time I came here. Was supposed to
go to the wavepool after that but we decided to go for the vuvuzuela AGAIN HAHAHA. Omg this was the retarded part. First, Timo and I got stuck with these kids so WE WEREN'T HEAVY ENOUGH TO GO OVER THE DROP LOLOLOL. SO WE JUST SAT THERE SCREAMING OUR HEADS OFF AND FRANTICALLY TRYING TO PUSH THE FLOAT BEFORE THE NEXT ONE CAME AND DID THE JOB FOR US. The next one was genuinely scary. We got put with these 4 heavyweight dudes who ALL SAT ON ONE SIDE. When we slid around the sides I was really fucking scared we would flip over cos we nearly did a few times HAHAHAHAHA. Came back and dinnered, nothing much, but the food was good :)
Why are you my remedy?
I'm afraid. Because people suck sometimes, and what if I get drawn in with the rest? What if I'm just using this clusterfuck and subsequent vulnerability as a means to my intentions? Sigh, this is getting kinda confusing too :/ I know one thing for sure. But can I do more than stand idly by and just say things??? I keep on wondering who that is on the other end and i guess you could say there's a tinge of green there but. But who am I to experience that? And I see others who make it look so easy, even though on paper its like moving a goddamn mountain. And they just say "Don't care". But this is different. If things were a bit more normal maybe it would suffice to follow said advice, but they're not, innit, and that's what makes it so special, to me at least.
Good Night
If these sheets were the states and you were miles away,
I'd fold them end over end to bring you closer to me
So I haven't been posting as often as I should/feel like. But I guess when it's the holidays you don't really bother much to get the stuff off your mind.
On Wednesday we were supposed to perform the night flight for the IACE peeps. There was Air Knights selection and shit so I came down in the morning with Delvin and the pair. Danial the douche was late as usual but that's besides the point. Apparently a few of the cadets had Gold Wing so they couldn't make it, but the majority applying were Part Bs so it wasn't that impactful. But a few of them were late *coughcough*. Totalled about 8 people who came in the morning, and we picked about 6. Felt kinda bad for Xavier and the other guy but oh well there comes a point where one learns to stop being such a bitch and say "No". Though the other was really damn keen and I felt really really bad for him cos I could see he wanted the spot a lot, but you gotta do what you gotta do :/ We only have so much time and resources... So yeap, after that we just derped around in the aerocentre a bit. It started raining so I just crashed out on the table, and some of the rest joined me for a bit lol. Danial was busy making his crazy shit again. Once the rain stopped we went to collect the new kites and holee sheet they are damn sex to fly. Me, Delvin and Danial set up the new kites and just basically enjoyed ourselves. The 2 RGS peeps came later and both of them got in so yay for them. "First time I see RGS can fly" - Danial 2013. Scumbaggery hahahahaha. Then the irritating thing happened. Like we were all damn hungry and there was no dinner in HQ so we tried ordering Macs. But it was like the whole fucking Singapore was thinking the same and we couldn't get a call through. So we tried KFC instead, which kinda worked out better, but we had to freaking wait like 75mins for the food. Meanwhile, we called to confirm our performance so we were just trying not to die of hunger after that. Food came and we faster om nom-ed before finding out that the IACE people were "too tired" so WHATEVER. Totally fine cos we stayed in HQ for fucking 12 hours? Nehhhhh. All good (Y) [Insert sarcasm tags because nobody gets sarcasm over the internet]
Yesterday was Pumpfest. I was ready to get my ass handed to me when I got there lol. The t shirts were cut/sized really weirdly though! Like, it's damn small, even for me. Even funnier when Mattias wore it and he looked like one of those douchebag ppl who always wear the shirt like freaking 10 sizes smaller to show off dem muscles. trolololol. Saw Emmanuel and he did really well. IIRC he got 9th which was like one spot off finals :P Grats to him. Came to our turn. Really disappointed in myself because I know I could have done better. Kept making the same stupid mistake at Wall 6 which was the easiest of the lot. Just about to get the foothold and my foot decides to give up on life and suicide to the floor. Sigh. Almost Bonus-ed Wall 1 too. Wall 4 did pretty okay but I knew I could've tried harder. Oh well, I guess time played a factor too. Only had 19 mins total which wasn't that much, but even then I knew I should have tried harder. Oh well, sort of looking forward to Boulderactive team competition now.
Went to HQ after that for the apparently postponed performance. We just ended up practising a lot. Even the supposed time we were supposed to "perform", none of the IACE people were giving a fuck so we just didn't too. Used the time for ourselves to practice and shit. Apparently the NCCDP committee wants a flypast sequence so we're working on that, prolly just me, Danial and Delvin. After that none of us really felt like going home so we went to the theaterette to join the IACE ppl who were watching this movie. Got pretty late so we just went home after that.
Cos it would drive me crazy
On the way out and I was just looking at the sky and seeing the stars. And even after that seeing the lightning storm from afar. Sometimes you never notice the beauty in life. And that night, all I had in my mind was. What if I was just there. And what if I could just get a chat. But at that time already, I might as well have been asleep and dreaming.
SO I haven't posted in a while. On the bright side it's the holidays already so I can pretty much stay up a bit later but it's still pretty late. I guess now it's easier to write stuff cos I'm not linking it to Facebook so I can sorta just rant more. Psychology, biatches.
Actually come to think of it I haven't really done much since the last post. Short post today then!
So Thursday was last day of school (Oh yeahh). Remember it as a pretty draggy cos 1. It was Thursday, the motherload of all shitty days. And 2. It was last day of school. Intended to go for Floorball finals because I wanted to escape school early and also to support them (I'm not THAT selfish okay). But our class wasn't selected for match support so oh well :/ A lot of people were falling sick too and I decided to call it "Last Day of School Syndrome" or "LDS Syndrome". Genius. Figured that people were just tanking through school term so they'd crash at the end of it knowing it was the last day of school :P And it turns out that Mr Teo went for match support in the end so I managed to go home early :D Laughed at the chem people who still had extra lesson WOOPS.
There was climbing training on Friday. Nothing much except that we didn't do hangboard that day. Audrey and Eric talked to us about Pumpfest (Nearly typo-ed that as Pimpfest LOL) and Irwan talked about it also. Feeling nervous abit, but then again I know that we're gonna get our asses handed to us so I guess the important thing would be to go there and have fun :P
Fun
PW group met today to do the prototype. Wanted to get everything done but in the end we only managed to finish up the tray. Should have bought CA for the construction but I guess the scotch tape worked fine (to a certain extent). Played some chess against that genius Heer Tern and promptly got roflstomped even though he hardly plays the game. Reminded me of the times I used to play chess a lot. Maybe one of these days can again, though I don't know anyone else who'd play. The interesting thing was talking with Qi Min and Heer Tern after that about relationships and shit which was really quite amusing. Like how Qi Min couldn't really believe Heer Tern had a gf and kept asking him about it LOL. The she was just like "wtf" at everything cos apparently Heer Tern isn't some romantic sop. Although to be fair some of her reactions could be justified hahaha :P Oh and TIL Qi Min has a bf. *mindblown*
Sighing a lot
Realise I should have taken the chance cos I had a hunch but was too much of an idiot not to repeat myself. Spending the rest of the week wishing I hadn't just left cos I don't know when's the next time and everyone's just so busy and gah RUN-ON SENTENCES. And there's this cadet who keeps pestering me about aero and shit and HE'S FREAKING CRUSHING ON JERLYNN WTF LOL. AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN COME FOR AERO ANYMORE LOL. GAHAHAHAHA Couldn't stop laughing about it AND WHY WOULD HE EVEN TELL ME OHGOD. OKAY. Freaking enough entertainment for the whole fucking week. Ok, in a better mood now. Still regret that I didn't make the right choice at the moment. If I'd known, maybe I'd have chosen differently.
Good Night
Because I don't think there's anything I can do
To fix this loathsome, twisted heart of mine
Haven't blogged for a bit. Not to say I can't be bothered, just that haven't really sort of got the mood :P Things have mostly settled down already, if I can say that. Though to be honest, my sort of "settled down" kinda means not doing my homework a lot. Realised that i can only concentrate on one subject's work at a time. Previously it was like math, then physics, then now econs. Then again, I hardly do my work most of the time alr so.... :D
Recapping the stuff since my last post. It was Timo's bday last week XD My bro for like freaking 10 years whoop whoop muacks muacks LOL. Feel a bit paiseh cos I dont know much to say. Ya but in all seriousness, don't think he's gonna read this but thanks for always being my bro through those years. I'll never forget those times where I went to your house so many times until it could have been my second home. Playing COD with you till like freaking 3am plus during the holidays hahahahaaha. Sleeping over a bajillion times and just chatting about LIFE. Helps that we live in the same block :'D SO YAH, THANKS FOR 10 YEARS OF AN AWESOME FRIENDSHIP. Here's to the rest of our lives. Cheers :D (Oh and good luck with that girl you're going for!)
Erghmahgerd totally forgot what I've been doing this week alrrrrrrr :/
OH YA went back to Cat High on wednesday for training! Kinda cool cos it was my first training since POP. But yeah, honestly felt a bit disappointed, especially with PDS. Not to be an ass but our PDS instructors now.... haish paish. Their individual standard is not bad actually, just that I don't get that like, feeling that they can teach well. Actually its not really just for PDS, more of the overall feel that they haven't really settle down into the "mentor" role. Oh well, guess we'll see as time passes. Though I'm quite happy with the top 2 in the way they handle the NCOs. Like ok, maybe they may not be FULLY correct, but at least they tried to do it to the best of their knowledge. SO YEAH...
Wa shit should really keep this short but everything's coming back now
Had soccer finals on Thursday! Was really cool cos we were in double finals AGAINNNN oh yeahhhh. Actually the girls match wasn't really THAT interesting, partly cos we were like just destroying MI. So we took that game quite easily. Saw Lucas and the 4-6/2-1 peeps before the guy's match started. The first half we were really playing to our best and came out 3-0 at HT. BUDDEN in the second half wah freaking HEART ATTACK LEH. Damn stress cos RJ scored twice in like 3 MINS so it was like 3-2 for the last 15mins or so and I swear I was all ready to just shat mah pants. But heng ah we countered back well and yeah, GOT ZE TITLE. DOUBLEEEEE CHAMPIONS. I WANT MY SECOND FULL DAY HUE HUE HUE.
Was really looking forward to aero and went back to HQ on Friday cos SOMEONE *cough*DC*cough* lost track of the freaking key wtf. This is like the second time already. Once is bad enough in the first place. So yeah, Delvin and his 2 cadets came (dunno how he convinced them. Bribed them or something) and Danial also. Jallene and Mira came around lunchtime. So basically spent the whole day fixing up planes. The WORST part was that it was just that: PLANES. NO CA, NO ACCELERATOR, NO RECEIVERS, NO SERVOS, NO TRANSMITTERS. FUUUUUU. I ask the DC he still can give excuses whattheshittttt. The default motors, receivers and transmitters were complete shit ohgod you should see those freaking waste of money. Had to bloody scavenge the electronics, which we took from the kites (Man, I'm a genius) and had to go and transfer all the shit over to the new planes. UGH. Don't know how we gonna conduct anything if always like this. Ya so today (yesterday) was the BAWC itself. Damn HENG that everything more or less ran smoothly, especially the test. Though I'm really kinda sad cos it doesn't seem like anyone from Phase 1 was interested in Air Knights :'( But maybe that's cause BAWC was kind of a shitty experience for them so ah well can't blame them anyways. Phase 2 was also really smooth, no major cockups or anything. Hoping the remaining 2 days for phase 2 go just as well :P Today was good, managed to catch up with some retards and just derp around. Though on the other hand it kinda feels like shit now. Aero used to be something damn fun for me to relax and just fuck around with random shit. Feels more like a job now and its just stressing and I can't freaking ugh.
Sigh sigh sigh sigh I can't prioritise shit. So gonna die for exams.
I keep telling myself I have it under control but I really don't know at this point. Self-discipline Jon. Don't. Be. An. Idiot. I just seem to look forward to torturing myself with hope and then I tell myself I AM CONTENT when really all I ever wanted was just some time. Almost. But then I didn't really have an excuse to do so without sounding completely lame and suspect so whatever. Moving on!
