Prom was 2 days ago and was actually surprisingly fun. The MC did a terrific job and the events and shit were mostly entertaining. Man I wish I'd win something in a lucky draw at least once. The only thing was that the food was pretty bland and took fucking ages to arrive. Because of this a lot of people just went outside to talk so it was actually pretty empty inside the ballroom most of the times. Speaking of people, had a table together with the rest of S53. Ah, wasn't the best of times everyone kept going off (mostly the councilors) so it was a bit awkward with no food and not many people at the table. Thing ended okay took some pictures before leaving for the hotel that the climbers booked. Got the alcohol but quickly realised that it was a bit too much when I reached there cos I was buying for everyone when it turns out that only 5 of us were drinking and furthermore only 3 of us were taking more than 3 cups. Tried to tank because I wanted to finish the alcohol but died pretty fast (RIP). Threw up and just crashed till the next morning. It was legit quite fun though, sharing a hotel room with those guys. Put on some music and just forgot about all our shit for a while.
Had to wake up early the next morning to send Zhi Ming off. Since I bought the alcohol the previous night I was the one who had to bring it back with me T_T Went straight to Pasir Ris MRT where Zhi Ming was supposed to take the shuttle bus from. Can't believe he's already enlisted hahaha but it's okay I'm looking forward to all his stories when he comes out. Gave him a shot to down before he boarded and apparently his whole face became damn red.
I realised that night as well that I like to shoot my mouth off a lot and I guess it's because I kind of know that when it comes down to the wire I'm just not up to a lot of things. I've never had an innate talent for anything. I achieve some vague sense of competency by learning as much as I can (if I'm motivated for it) and applying it rigorously. But when it comes to other things where I can't do that, I tend to just fall on my face and reveal the vast amount of idiocy I have at my disposal.
Went to the class chalet after taking a nap. Reached when they were halfway through dinner so just kinda lepaked for the entire time until like 12 when we decided to watch a movie. Jun Yu had this massive movie collection so we watched Kick-Ass 2 and The A Team. Funnily enough only Hazel and me were more or less awake, The rest were about the crash already while watching the A Team which was pretty amusing. Nigel also sobered up so he and Wei Xuan joined us to just sit outside afterwards with Joey also. Had about 2 hours plus to sunrise so we tried to set up a game of poker. Didn't have money or shit on us so we just used fake money by typing the amounts into our phones. (Yes it was my brilliant idea). Went to sit up on the roof after that to try and catch the sunrise but it was quite fail because we weren't facing the direction. So the full sunrise was blocked by the chalets on the right of us. In any case, was a pretty cool thing:)
It's nice to spend a night with people, even if you're not particularly close to them. Then again there's 2 sides to a coin. There's a lot of unwanted thoughts that go with that. It was kind of frustrating in a sense, that night. Because as much as I just wanted to just relax with the rest I also wanted to open up to someone but there's still a distance. It's the beach view that does it I swear haha. I've never actually been close to the class, and that's all on me. So I guess I'd just have to deal with it and maybe hope things do get better. I'm not saying it was a bad time. On the contrary, it WAS something I enjoyed a lot in just being able to chill for a whole night. But it stings a bit to be left out of certain things as well, which was kind of funny in an awkward way seeing us scrubs just sitting around in the living room at one point in time. And that's what I've been afraid of and I'm finally able to articulate it. I'm afraid of being left behind. Everyone's moving on with their lives and I'm just stagnant, I want things to remain as they are. When people reminisce about past memories I act as if I'm above that and think they're the ones who can't let go when in fact I'm the one who just doesn't want to change. I'm so afraid while I've just been waiting and waiting and it seems that life is moving on without me and so are the people in it. Last night was almost a so close yet so far moment. It's so STUPID but just sitting in that spot during the movie made me realise it'd actually be nice to stop just live for something more, a better purpose if you will. And it sounds so, so, so cliche but hell that's what you get for doing stupid shit.
And it really makes me wonder
Good Night
Cause we could be immortals
