A lot's happened since the last time I posted. Scorpion King, Social Night, lotsa other things that happened for NS. But right now I don't feel like talking about all that.
The recurring feeling of helplessness is something I have yet to be accustomed to. I keep hearing about all the goddamn fuckshit going around and yet I can do absolutely nothing. And now I have this other issue to deal with because GODDAMN if it doesn't feel like shit being this way. I was saying this to Jasmine the other day on the bus back too. It's like when you're younger, you always tend to have expectations of older people. You think adults have the world figured out, that they always know the right answer to the right questions. How everything seems to fall in place so easily. As life progresses on, you start to realise that in time, you have to fulfill these expectations as well. What seemed like an oxymoronic childish maturity becomes something you think you need to achieve as well. Things like getting your university place (which you're supposed to have dreamed of getting your whole life), or your first love (which you're supposed to have wanted to find your whole life and everything clicked), or your first job (which you're so happy and contented with!) or maybe even something like your own social life (look at how many friends I'm supposed to be "family" with). And slowly, slowly you'd start to realise that at a certain point maybe it's not because you can't be half-assed to do these things. Maybe, just maybe, the problem lies with you.
And that was honestly a great night simply because of the company (heh geddit). It was also then that I realised maybe there might be something I could hold on to.
Good Night
Tripping over myself
Aching, begging you to come help
