311211

This is probably the last post I'll make for the year. It doesn't really feel like the last day of 2011. Next thing I know it I'll be waking up at 6am and realising ''Omg, this is it. The first step on the road to O Levels'' It really feels like time flies too fast. And all I can look back on this year is with regret. I wish I had more time to set things right. I wish there was something or someone I could be happy about. I wish I had worked so much harder. I wish complacency didn't cost me that coveted dream. All wishes now, just futile dreams and regrets. What I could've done. What I didn't. What I wasted time on. The people I've hurt. The disappointments, of which there were many. And yet I can try to find solace in the good. Digging up those memories is like trying to carve stone with your hands. Too much regret, not enough appreciation? I found God. I found true friends. I've grown as a person, whether for good or for bad. I can try to take lessons from the past. I've been doing that all along, even if I wish I didn't have to do so.

4 months will fly by and POP will arrive. I think I dread that almost as much as O Levels. What I should've done better. Places I've screwed up. My fair share of disappointments in NCC. Friendships, idiots to hate, mentors... I don't think I've lived up to what you expected of me. I'm sorry, I really am. I know I should have done better. You would have. You might still think I'm a self-absorbed ingrate. This is my last apology to you.

And I'm actually looking forward to Sec 4. Kind of. I might even enjoy the studying. For once, external distractions will be minimised and I get to lose myself. I'm determined not to cheat myself this time. Sick of being told not good enough. Sick of the fear that I'll disappoint myself again. Not this time bitch.

And you. One of the few people I can count on in a world gone to hell. You helped me through the toughest shit I've gone through. But I can't help you if you put up walls. When it happened, you didn't tell anyone. I don't suppose that's bad, but just be careful you don't implode. Trust me, I know how you feel. The self-loathing will get you one day. It's gotten me faster than I thought. No one can run forever.

I don't mind if 21/12/2012 comes true. After all that I've done with my life, or lack thereof, I don't think it'll make much of a difference.

Good Night

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Ragnarok

I'm really bored so I'm blogging well... now. So I'm going to do random commentaries on random stuff.

Ugh... raining too much again lately.
So something I've been thinking about lately has somewhat to do with the Aaron Tan thingy. More specifically, Faded Holy Soldier. Although I've actually thought about it during the GE this year, I think I've only deigned to talk about it after seeing some stuff on FHS's video. Cos if you watched his third video, he starts criticising our government, and then on the comments there're Singaporeans who also rant off about the government. And first thing I realised among certain youths like myself is that they support the opposition just to defy the apparent status quo. Just to be different. Difference has started trends, especially in fashion. Just look at Gaga and the like. So yeah... they support the opposition just because its.. well.. the opposition. Without even knowing what the other side offers. I mean, granted, no government is perfect, and neither is ours. There's many things we can complain about it. But if you think and compare to other countries, I'd say we're doing rather well cos of our government. And before anyone accuses me of being brainwashed, PREASE, I'm being completely objective here. So I think Singaporeans should stop blindly complaining about our government. Want complain, go ahead, but make sure you get your facts right, and learn to appreciate the privilege we have in being Singaporean. Want to find something to complain about? Go to the Middle East or North Korea then, where ultimate censorship prevails and you're shot or jailed for complaining.

Which moves me on to my 2nd point, that Singaporeans complain too much. Since the SMRT incident, you see people raging left right and center. Anger and frustration is justifiable, but only up to a certain point. Post a status to rage, make fun of it... etc. That's as much as it goes. You don't have to keep complaining about it like SMRT is a piece of shit and life became 'so much worse'' because of the the breakdown. Yeah, SMRT screwed up, but get off their backs while they try to get their thing together. How is anyone from SMRT able to fix anything if they have to keep responding to public complaints? 1 screwed up incident does not a company's reputation make. Just look at their track record, it speaks for itself. And what's all the stuff about a petition for SPH to step down? In the first place, she's not directly in charge of maintainence and whatnot. Secondly, it's not like the entire system was compromised. So let her oversee the repairs, apologise to Singaporean commuters, and let's all get on with our lives. It's like if in a school one day, the water supply or gas supply suddenly screws up. You're not going to petition to get the principal removed right? So appreciate the generally seamless service SMRT has been giving us for the last few years and just stop hammering them like its the end of the world.

I keep wondering if I just destroyed something important..

Good Night

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Cannot make it

Gosh, I haven't blogged in like, over a week. If anything, I think I've been playing too much COD till quite late, so paisehhhh...

-.- Shouldn't have downloaded Temple Run on my dad's iPad. He plays it nearly everyday now..

I think my mind's cleared up enough for me to talk properly about this. And I don't know if you're going to read this, but I think both of you will.

To person number 1. Thanks for sending me that, even though I was kinda surprised also. And I guess I'm glad you did, cos it's troubled me before, and yeah, I sometimes do miss those times, even if they weren't the easiest, cos at least I knew I could count on you. Haiz, I wanted to wish you good luck for your Os, but I can't remember what I was preoccupied with. Sorry :P and I'm writing all this here because you know I'm not very good at talking directly to people lol. I know I should've tried harder also, but hey, at least you're not still trying to tear out my throat so yeah! Good luck, whatever JC you go to.

And I think I should be apologising to someone else. Although I feel strangely calm right now. I've still been thinking still, and I'll just add on that: I'm not ready. I'm sorry. And I'll never be good enough. I've disappointed more people than you think. Trust me, I'm not worth the time and effort. But I've already said a lot, so I'll just stop here.

Haiz, tmr supposed to have SSC platoon outing, land up so little people can make it. I think OBS was much nicer though.. more days, plus there really was time to bond, so yeah, I'm actually looking forward to the gathering (At Daryn's house, I think? Lol, he's a really... amusing person)

Aghh noo.. I wanna follow New Girl, especially cos Zooey Deschanel is totally adorable. But I always land up forgetting *facepalm* and not like I torrent also enough time to watch..

Soooo not looking forward to Sec 4. And I STILL haven't bought my books. *headbang*

Good Night

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Present

Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

It's getting kind of hard to do that, to appreciate ''now''. I keep thinking of what I'm going to do, what'll happen, and what if things don't go how I'd like it to.

Yesterday too tired to blog about the 61st POP, so here it is.

I think the fact that there was a screw up even before I entered HQ was already a foreshadow of the actual thing. The NSF gave me the female top -.- I pin all the buttons then realise ''eh wtf? Why no pocket'' So I chionged to HQ to faster change the top. Change already still got some time so I went to see the 11th PDS AI.. apparently both of my guys failed T.T But lucky Friday had retest, but only Jacob passed. Feel damn sad for Kenneth.. so after that went to draw items. First rehearsals went ok bah. But SM caught my hair, so that night I had to book out to go cut it. Nearest place was AMKHub. My hair is frigging short now -.- when I got back they prepping to go out buy food, so they jio me follow. In the end everyone buy so much food, next day also cannot finish. Next day wake up already, rehearsal started around the stated time. But that morning was damn hot, and the 61st already had pre-training, so during the rehearsals alot of them fell out. After that rehearsal, boom, everything haywire. No instructions, ended up stoning for hours. Halfway through the next rehearsal, Cat 1, whoom, everyone faster zao. In the end total only 3 rehearsals. Actual thing went ok for the parade. Managed to find Daniel, Ying Wei and Li Xin. Kinda stupid that none of them are even from my unit. I still can't get over the fact that AGAIN, we have no CLTs. Wonderful.

Now onto rage mode about the other conducting spec. Like, WTF MAN. WTF. During rehearsal screw up, nvm. Cannot shout, nvm. Missing right up to the rehearsal, nvm. But she still can tell me to do what. I say nvm, I watch you to start. ''Ok'', she says. Actual thing, march past starting already, still DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SHIT SHE'S DOING. OMG man, I seriously pity Luqman. Blur as don't know what, and NO ONE could bloody hear her. Luqman could do it 10 freaking times better. Haiz..

At least the syndicate performances were good.

Felt like a complete retard after the parade. Why ask, man?

I wonder who would watch my COC POP, if I got in. No one comes to mind.

To top it off, I have a bad feeling about next year's AAWC. The new DC... *shudders*

Next year promises to be a grim one. Hooray.

Good Night

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Confirmation Camp

And oh, I'm running to Your arms~~

Gosh, the weather right now is so nice I could just asleep halfway.

I have Forever Reign stuck in my head. Awesome.

ANYWAYS, I think it really was meant for me to go for confi camp. After I missed out on both Pearce and the dining in I was like: if I missed those, confi camp better be frigging awesome. And it was! Haha :D I was thinking wah, if I so suay just to go for the full camp, confirm is other People working. And right now I really believe that everything has a balance. You can have nothing, but somehow or other, you will gain everything else.

So like first day, I arrived slightly earlier than the rest. Then I was stoning outside the retreat house wondering how camp would go. So after everyone else arrived, sort out into group then more or less the normal intro stuff. I was with Edmund, Ryan, Chris, Raya and Annabelle. Chessina (I think that's how you spell?) was supposed to be in my group, but I heard alot of Lourdes people pon, so I guess she was one of them. So Chris Sim landed up in my group. Starting was kinda awkward cos Fernando was kinda nervous also. The other 2 facils Greg and Zoa weren't there yet cos they had school. Then Brother Jude gave his talk. In between got a lot of P&W sessions also. That night was like a preview of day 2, with all the intense praying and stuff. Next day we had games and all, which was superhappyfuntime. Especially the water bomb! And the broken telephone was damn epic. The first one was ''Brother Jude'', then everyone kept pointing to Greg, and the letter ''I'' on his t-shirt *facepalm* Almost no link. So after that we had confession.. I thought it would be more meaningful, but the priest was... haiz... just say all the normal stuff, so the confession felt very ''normal''. AND THEN, we had the night session. Everyone was kinda nervous and scared, cos the facils were all like hardcore preparing for it. Once the thing started, I kinda made up my mind beforehand actually. So after my turn, I was like ''whoah''.. then I look around and saw Tan crying. In my mind I heard someone say ''It's ok. See? Even Tan also'' and I think that's the point where everything came out. All the stuff I've been bottling up the last few months, all the shit that's happened recently, the confusion.. I think it was the first time I've cried about something happy. Actually not happy. It was more like... overwhelmed.

Haiz.. (I just realised I'm saying ''haiz'' more). Then I saw an ant on the carpet, so I picked it up and named it Bruce. Just because I felt like it.

So after that we had some testimonies. I'm not saying mine here. But it was at that point that I finally realised that everything happens for a reason. As in REALLY understood it. And I find it kind of funny that Christiane was also in a similar situation. Like she also applied to go overseas, but also didn't get in.

I guess all along in matters about Catholicism, I've always known ''I should do this'' or ''I should do that'' but never really got the guts. Cos I was scared people would think stuff about me. Like ''since when Jon Chew like that one O.o'' haha. But there, you find that it doesn't really matter at all.

Gosh, I wish I could just live in the retreat house for like, FOREVER. And just forget the outside world. And have P&W everyday! Haha.

I seriously hope I can maintain this. I think facilitating next year's camp sounds good. I have a feeling this is the start of something awesome in SBC.

PG!

Good Night.

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Again

Haiz, I just thought of Brom. Angela (ironic urh?) The Herbalist read his wyrd (fate) to be that he would fail at everything except one thing. Anyone recognise the Eragon reference?

Because dangling something and pulling it away at the last moment can break a person. It really does. And I thought this would be the thing that would make up for Pearce, or rather, the lack of it. It's not really due to the fact that I couldn't go. Rather, it's more because I put so much into it. I really did want to do it, no matter how nervous. And all I wanted to do was just scream. Because again, AGAIN, something's slipped out of my fingers. Wasted 4 hours just travelling to the damn camp and back. Wonderful.

Well, at least I've sort of gotten used to the disappointment. Maybe I just shouldn't expect anything much next time. Tried out Wendy's Baconator on the way home to comfort myself. I think people were staring at me cos I was acting really weird..

Haiz..

Con Camp tomorrow, I suddenly feel nervous about it. Ze Bin, if anything happens, you can be sure I won't give a damn about the overseas charges.

Short post bah, I'm tired ><

Good Night

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OBS Day 4-5

Nabei lah stupid blind linesman cost us 2 points... lucky shits. Draw like that still want celebrate. Gfy

Day 4
So that day we were going for the kayaking expedition. At first we thought we going Causeway first cos the other 2 groups went there. But cos of weather conditions we were supposed to only go around Pulau Ketam once before heading for Camp 2. Morning was damn screwed up cos it was hardcore muddy and everyone was cold and wet so unpitching the tents was like some shit. Then by right supposed to leave at 7am. But no one giving instructions so we all blur, delay until 7.45 like that before Muru came and took over. Landed up launching off at 8.15. The kayaking itself nothing much. I was together with Enzo and Long Boon which was like some hardcore imba shit. Haha then Fazli was the Cheng Ho navigator but he couldn't read the map. So enzo tanked everything. And we had to keep waiting for the behind people to catch up. Near the end it started raining a bit but it stopped after a while :P After we cleared our stuff thank God the instructors let bathe. Hardcore shiok sia that night the dinner. We had so much food left over so we tried cooking our own buffet. I was like damn guilty cos I was stoning through the first part of the cooking cos I didn't know what to do. Then I saw the Maggie no one cooking so I tanked that :P Had a feast :D 15 mess tins worth of Maggie, 5 mess tins of (burnt) rice, 3 mess tins of sardine, 2 mess tins of rendang, 1 mess tin of lo han chye, mushrooms and corn ^^ awesome

Day 5
Basically today clearing our stuff from the store and inventory check. Supposed to have dry activity, but lucky cancelled cos of rain. I only had 1 pair of long pants haha. Then we had a scare cos some stuff missing, but heng ah other groups had extra to cover up. Then we did the Johari's Window. I ended up getting a lot of ''friendly', but one guy say I emo hahaha wtf. We also got back our group photo. But Azfar not insideeeee! >< Haiz, how cool to see that in the photo we all strangers, but when we get it back, we all become friends :) After we got back to Punggol I queue up to buy the shirt. Screw up sia everyone keep cutting queue. Took me 1hr plus just to move through a 15m long queue -.- Heng ah got Ze Bin to lend me money. Then when I queueing I saw Chin Teng behind but 20mins later he in front of me buying shirt le lol..

Haiz, didn't have a proper goodbye.. but I think we'll be meeting up Daryn's house when he comes back :P freaking rich sia that guy

Went HQ today for the last aero session before the new DC comes in.. then they all buy stuff for her, I feel so guilty.. haha then Daniel woke up late, but tue moment he knew got food wah, he chiong to HQ. Mdm treated us to pizza, so nice :) and Jon Ho gave her flowers omg!! Hahahaha. Nvm, I'll get something for her ceremony instead :D too bad it rained so I flew about 2-3 times only :(

I guess that's about all bah..

Good Night

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OBS Days 1-3

I mean come on, what else is there to talk about? :D

Day 1
This was kinda boring cos we were stoning at the reception center for like 3 hours. Just did the normal intros and got out our stuff... haha I volunteered for Medic :P Didn't want do Day IC cos I didn't know what to expect. So after we reached Camp 2 we shifted all our stuff into the store and went for our kayaking practise, which was just learning the basics and doing capsize drill :P

Day 2
We had rock climbing that day and were supposed to wear long pants again. Sia lah, I only got 1 pair for the whole camp. Fuuuuuu. Landed up wearing my soaking wet track pants. But the rock climbing was fun. First time climbing an overhang :D The overhang in school is too hard >( once that one finish we packed all our expedition stuff and moved over to the campsite at Punggol. Dinner was kinda fun cos we sort of knew each other so Anda was talking.. alot. Then again, she always finds some way to make everything fun for everyone haha :D That night was kinda screwed cos the night before we didn't have the netting. So that night 3.30am started raining and enzo woke us to bring our stuff in. That was when I felt the mosquito bites. Spent like the next 2.5 hours just scratching them ><

Day 3
This was the actual Land Expedition day. The night before it was more or less Long Boon, Chin Teng, Enzo and me who planned it. So since everyone had to take turns to navigate we gave the first shift to Nasihah, who promptly set off to the road. We all didn't know could use the park connector :P Lucky Muru told us and we got a headstart on Cheng Ho. Wah the backpacks were hardcore screwed up. Then since my bag was much lighter I decided to hand carry the tent a the way T.T The worst part was the islands Pulau Punggol. That stretch took us an hour, the the whole place was like some hardcore ulu place :P Then Long Boon commando also saikang alot haha. We reached the campsite around like 1.15pm. Stupid weather sia, downpour started right after we pitched the tents. So all we could do was sit in them and watch water leak through. That was seriously like total hell. All of us were soaked, and the were pools of water in the tent. Lift up your bags water started gushing out like siao. 2 tents collapsed and most of us ended up hugging our legs to ourselves :P Cooking was damn screwed also cos all of us were cold and shivering. Really appreciate my dry, clean bed now :D Then the girls conspired with us by telling us about the mosque further in, cos by right must use the bushes.. but by left, we organise some mass toilet trip to the mosque. During sentry duty saw Yi Ling, Gerald amd Aida staying by the beached kayaks. Me and Long Boon decided stay, cos trust must me, the tents were HELL.

I think I'll finish up Day 4&5 tomorrow bah, my eyes are closing alr :P plus, still going HQ for Ma'am's goodbye aero session. Maybe shd've bought something for her :P

Good Night

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Bleh

It just suddenly feels like I'm getting disappointed by others... all along, I guess I try not to let anything get to me. And it's hard not to say anything after a while. But I try.

Bleh.

Leadership Camp was sort of a success, more so for the Part Bs bah. The whole camp turned out to be Lucas, Ze Bin, Me tank. Lucky Jerevis and Xiang Bin still came to help. The NCOs mostly stayed in the bunk playing DoTA.... sucks not to have CLTs. It really does. Leadership Camp supposed to be CLT organise. It shouldn't be the NCOs worrying ''what if this went wrong''. I'm not going to fly into a rant about the downward spiral of NCC. But for those who are in NCC, I think you'll understand. Kinda ironic how suddenly our batch got so many people want to go COC. I'm guessing Sir Goh's never had that problem before.

Day 1's C&C was ok I guess. Disappointed by some people, while others did rise to the occasion. Trying my best to consider posts for them, seeing as this year's Part As....and I'm worried about next year's batch as well. After that went to HQ for TOC POP. Already kinda lost my voice by then, so it was hard trying to figure how much voice to use until the actual thing. Got pissed off by a lot of people. But then again, maybe they were just trying to be... helpful. But I can't help feeling like he's an asshole. Really. Why do people get what they don't deserve ._. I could've been much more grateful and done more of what I wanted to do with that extra stripe. Another ''if only''... then at night I couldn't rush back in time for the lectures cos SOMEONE took damn long to arrive for the parade. Ze Bin went to eat with the AIs so I ended up going back to school alone. Then at night Mdm Lau caught the others playing DM and confiscated them... AGAIN. Run 1 round get 1 card back. Played frisbee while waiting for them run finish. After that felt like running, but needed to run 1 in the end only lol. Finish alr kena lecture until 2.30am. Slept at 3am. Wonderful.

Next day more or less ok... Mutuals in the morning, tests, plus Laserquest. Amazing Race was at night. Haha Laserquest was screwed up cos the guns' accuracy were headbang worthy. Was damn scared something would go wrong for the Amazing Race. Land up once I ''GO!'', all the teams found the clues at the first station even before Ze Bin and I left it. Hah, and we were afraid the clues were too hard to find -.- The first team reached my station in like 20mins. TWENTY. And my station was like number 5 or 6. But suay ah, that team couldn't find out which control surface I screwed up, became the last team to leave the station. Overall timing was 1hr20mins, but the previous teams finished in 1hr I think. But generally, quite happy with the way the race turned out. Really hope the Part Bs can do better next year :) Marked their Air Syllabus papers until 1am. Some of the answers provided some comic relief. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

3rd Day nothing much, although we kinda had like some rant session with Sir Jon. I seriously don't like what NCC is becoming already...

Thats about it bah. Tomorrow got OBS pre-course briefing...

Good Night

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Disappointment

I guess I should be used to it by now. Post interview, PDS Comp, AIR Comp, Council, SSC... and now this. I'm not angry anymore. I just have to accept the fact that hey, I'm not good enough. Just. Not. Enough.

And I feel the feeling I can compare to most now is right after they did the final shortlist for Council. Because it just feels like I've wasted... everything. Wasted my time, wasted my effort. All down the drain. Working my ass off going to school nearly every week for meetings, painting the banner, open house... and it just feels so... ''AGHHHH'' Y'know what I mean? But I refuse to be disenchanted with NCC. It's still my life. Nothing's changed. I texted ma'am today to ask why I didn't get in. Just a form of... closure. To find out what went wrong, and if there's another chance for IACE, hey, I would've learnt something from the failure at Pearce. And indirectly, I guess my post had something to do with it. Contributions to the school. And she explained it rather eloquently, I must say. No surprise she's the DC lol. But ''what if''s are useless now. And hey, if other people benefit more, then all more I shouldn't take their place. And I mean that. If I looked at it another way, wouldn't be unfair if so many aero people got in, and I didn't just because I wasn't one? (Hypothetically speaking) So hey, that's life I guess.

But it's just that... indignant feeling because after coming down so many extra Saturdays for aero, it would've been nice to know someone appreciated it. I go for aero because I love it, and not for rewards or anything. But it would've just been... nice y'know? But who knows, it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

The ironic thing is, I never wanted to choose to skip confirmation camp. And I now it's not like I have any option. Go ahead and laugh at me, cos I know I want to. Maybe God wants me to go for the camp? He works in mysterious ways haha :)

I refuse to be turned into a sobbing mass of flesh. I believe something good will come out of this :)

And now, some COD to distract me

Good Night

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Choices

We are the choices we make - Mistress Coyle

A simple quote, yet one of the deepest ones. Love it :)

I guess everyone's had that 左右为难 situation before. If you haven't, I can only say lucky you. This isn't really about Pearce (Which, by the way, I still haven't gotten the results for). It's more in general. The choices you make, make YOU. To leap, or to hold back. To lash out, or to calm down. To stand up for the right thing, or 若无其事. (Homygod I'm using chinese. Someone check if the sky turned green). I've been tearing my hair up. Just moody over the last few days. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Maybe. But it's hard to tell with both things so close to you. I'll just leave it up to God I guess.

Which comes to the exact point Steve Jobs made. People DO NOT KNOW what they actually want. Like the example in RTS. When people with irrevocable situations were happier than those who could alter the outcome. Yet they still felt they'd prefer to be able to change the situation. Like a serious ''wow'' moment. People have no idea what they truly want. Blame it on society, or maybe the human brain is just too conplex for us to truly understand our own nature. It's said that we only use 1% of our total brain power. Einstein used 2%. Imagine the possibilities of fully utilising the complete extent of the human brain. Philosophical debates on a new scale, time/interstellar travel, cures for terminal diseases. If only...

And I guess that's what it'll remain as. A big ''IF''...

And btw, it's all your fault. If that person's gone, it's your fault.

Sigh... sometimes I wonder if I'm going crazy. Or imagining too much. I hope you understand, if the time really does come. But for now, I'll pretend to remain an ignorant little prick.

Had the TOC POP selection today. Only other aero guy was Kelvin, who applied for colours RSM. Saw Aida also :P Conducting Spec got 6 people, including me and Ze Bin. Before the test was kinda confident. But when the sir start testing the rest I suddenly hardcore nervous lol. Then come my turn I screwed up the first drill -.- pissed at myself so I just shout out the rest. Now my frigging throat hurts. On the bright side, it wasn't wasted and I got in. Lucas didn't, and Ze Bin's the reserve. Lol there were absolutely no Sea people there. So some Land guys had to take the Sea posts.

Feel really bad about possibly missing out on half of the first day of Leadership Camp. I practically missed half of Annual Camp. Feels like I'm abandoning my part ._.

Oh well

Good Night

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RTS

Finished Romance to Sex today. I guess I feel pretty neutral about it. Some parts more helpful than other parts. But overall, generally useful. Although I've been feeling a bit more cranky over the weekend. Don't know whether it's cos of this though o.O

I've got alot on my mind. The talk maybe confused up some parts. But hey, it didn't really clear anything up. And it's just that battle of common sense thing I think. Whether to take that leap of faith, or focus on the present. See lah, just now I got alot of things to say. Now forget all already -.- I'm not exactly an open book. I prefer to do the reading of others. Psychology has always fascinated me. The power of understanding, the power of manipulation with just a few minutes of thinking. Sounds kinda scary haha. I'm not an Okonkwo (look at me, making Lit references. Pfft) per se, but I wouldn't really tell anyone anything. I'd rather you be able to tell from my own actions. Attention seeking? I guess so. But there's a reason I said ''sensitive'' earlier today. Because that's what I've been lacking all along. And I've just been running. Afraid to face up, and then just act like I don't know

It's probably cos of the sleep, or rather, the lack of it.

Pearce Airbase interview results coming out tomorrow. I think I can get in, but then it provides another conundrum, because I'll be missing confirmation camp. And I can't say I'm totally ok with that. Partly also because I kinda enjoyed myself over the weekend, if you ignore the silent mindfucks I've been doing to myself. And confirmation camp may be like that. Also, I'd have to go for a replacement camp with another church. Best case senario would be I know about 1 person there. But at most, probably 2 only.

Ah well. I hope I know what to do in the end. Make the right choice.

Good Night

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Good Morning!

Lol Xiang Bin guai lan the wrong time.

I'm beginning to think the weather has an agenda against HQ Competitions ._. AIR Comp it rain at the wrong time. We still haven't had our Open Category yet. Soccer Comp looked like going to rain, but we already left before it did :P Orienteering Comp rain also, which cost us precious BUC points, especially since we got first for that. Then today rain again for Challenge Quest. But at least we beat ACSI and got 3rd. Haven't found out how our Land unit did though. Now left to the shooting team to try and beat ACSI. Plus, see if POP participation got enough BUC also. Oh well...

Agh EOY was disastrous. My L1R5 overshot 3 points from my original target. On the bright side, at least it's quite ok as a Double Science noob. Prelim 1! I'll reach my target this time! Sigh... Mrs Lim is leaving our class. She was like so awesome. And apparently next year we'll be getting Mr Ng Wei Liang. From what I heard, an appropriate reaction would be: Fuuuuuuuuuu!... Agh thank God for tuition. Plus, I really need work on my sciences. And Ms Qiu's leaving also :( So many teacher's pangseh. From what I heard, Mr Teo also leaving wtf. Hopefully got chem remedial during the holidays. Still deliberating whether to find Physics papers to practise. Oh well... hopefully it's like Term 2, when Mrs Lim said she was leaving but in the end didn't.

My wounds refuse to heal properly >< Ironic thing is this:
Me: Why our land unit nvr take part for soccer comp?
Xiang Bin: Orh Paul Ng scared they injured
Me: pfft. Wth liddat also scared.
Few minutes later, I end up with cuts all over. Nice karma there hahahahaha.

Come on Prelim 1! Target: Bs for Science and same L1R5 target as this term.

Good Night

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Screw Ups

Things haven't been exactly going according to plan lately.

I guess I haven't blogged lately cos I was always too tired. Doing it now while I have time.

Screw Up Number 1. Lol not sure whether this counts as a screw up since well... I constantly screw it up. Chinese. I guess I expected to fail, but somehow held on to the hope I might still pass well enough. Paper 2 sure crushed that hope. Srsly don't know how I could've screwed it up so bad. Although overall I passed, and I'm not ''2nd'' agn lol. So I guess it was a half screw-up

Screw Up Number 2. PHYSICS. I knew the whole level screwed up, but I still hoped I would at least get a B. When I got back my paper and looked through I felt like slapping myself. Lost so many marks due to little mistakes. Should've studied harder argh. Could've snagged a B3. *headbang* So many careless mistakes...

Screw Up Number 3. History. Of all bloody subjects, this was supposed to cheer me up. Especially after my Combined Humans did ok. And ESPECIALLY after I studied BOTH the goddamn revision packs. As in STUDIED. Like seriously. Get back paper, both essays screw up. NSP never explain enough. Ok that one I guess is a valid point to pull down my marks. But the Japan question? Apparently I didn't ''state my points clearly''. Wtf man. That one's a bit extreme. I did link back my points under the 3 aspects, although granted I didn't state them in the first sentence. I guess I'll have to work on my presentation for Prelim 1. I'm determined to get the A1 from History that has eluded me for so long.

Screw Up Number 4. Street Soccer Comp. I guess this doesn't really count, cos it was out of our hands. But definitely could've done better. Plus, the fact that ACSI Air got through to the finals is leaving me seething. Sorry Danial, but I really hoped you'd crash out as well :P To be blunt, I seriously should've replaced the entire soccer team, including myself. Although it is interesting to note that out of all the pairings, our's was the most imba. Home team against one of the noobest teams. While the other not so good schools still had playable opponents so they could get through the loser's pool. We just couldn't match up to TKSS. It was kinda like Man U against Derby County or something. Oh well, the shooting team better not screw up. Challenge Quest shouldn't be a problem.

Getting back the rest of my results on Monday. Both maths, which I'm praying are minimal A2s. And chem, which hopefully I can get a B4/3. That should wrap up a disastrous EOY, although I still might be able to reach the ≤15 points target I set. Hoping my English oral can do well enough as well to secure an A1. Although I'll most prolly get an A2. I'd have to just pass or fail oral to get less than an A, so hopefully that serves as some consolation.

Blah, shouldn't have gone for the ball. My elboe hurts, and I'm afraid or showering with all the open wounds. And I accidentally stained the couch with my blood when I was sleeping lol. Hi 5 Lucas!

And I tell myself not to get angry. After all, you have other priorities. I'll just have to accept that both of you are gone. Oh well. *exasperated*

Good uhm... Evening?

Goodbye. Aha, that's better

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Ghosts

Bah, everyone's gone, more or less. I guess I shouldn't be angry, cos you must have your reasons. And I guess I have no right to know either. I just hope I can count on you when the time comes. That you aren't wondering off emotionally volatile when I need your help. So hey, I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut. *zips* Believe me, even though it doesn't seem like it. I think a lot before I say anything. So hey, if I've been maintaining this facade for God-knows how long, shouldn't be a problem now

Is it my SIM card, or is everyone just dao-ing me. But Ian and Jerevis managed to reply. so I guess it's the latter :/ It's like everyone's just left me to die.

Am I scared of what might happen? I guess so. It sounds like you've given up. And you've never seemed that way before. Is it my fault? I guess so. Although I swear I never meant to lead you on. But hey, even involuntary manslaughter is a crime. So I guess the guilt lies with me. Please just know that I also have no idea what to make out of this. I told myself that I wouldn't. But will I enforce it? Right now I don't even know whether to ask you to wait. But I'll let time sort it out I guess. I really don't need this right now >< And you didn't even answer, so I have no idea what to do.

Did I just let out too much? Please just understand, if you get this.

Bleh.

Today was Day 1 of the SBAB. I guess the agenda was pretty much just the CH-47 flight experience (Read: Joyride). But the morning already started off with a problem. I read the "Yishun" in Lucas' message as "Yio Chu Kang". Ended up waiting for 15mins with no one in sight. Didn't bring my phone so I had no way of contacting them. Bloody failshit. In the end made my way to AMK interchange to take 169, thinking all the way that it started at 8am, causing me to freak out. Nearly wanted to follow the NSFs, but thank God the uncle across me happened to tell me they were going to Yishun Camp instead. Made it to SBAB and saw Heer Tern there, who told me it only start at 8.30 -.- So in the end I sort of "pang seh-ed" them. Oh well. The CH47 ride itself was kinda fun, although I slept for a bit cos the wind there was awesome. But after that admin fail, cos we waited 3 hours for the bloody bus to come and bring us back through the camp. Slept for most of it. By the time we came out, 3.45 already and I had missed tuition. Blah, and to think I actually did my homework already. Hopefully tomorrow goes smoother.

And I still have sent Sir Goh my Pearce forms .____.

Good Night

Failshit

What the balls lah, like that also want kao pei. Eating dinner don't use phone. Can allow me watch TV but cannot use phone. No logic there? Not like anyone talks to me during dinner anyway. And can't I use my phone and listen to you at the same time? Get your bloody common sense right before you come and find something to be mad at me about. I know scolding me very fun, and you haven't done that for so long until you getting withdrawal symptoms. But at least scold me on something logical. TMD. and you wonder why I'm pissed all the time. Still try scare me say what, you know what I've been posting on FB. Come lah, can hint here hint there don't have the guts to say to my face. Then you yourself go complain about it to other people behind my back. Practise what you preach _|_

Blah. School and HQ feels more like home. Air store and Aero center can be my bedroom. Then I can get out of this hellhole. There's a reason why I hate going home. After exams still won't let me use computer. Nice win.

Finally went back to HQ after a long while away cos of exams. Felt good to be back. Although today was (is) frigging hot and I was sweating like mad by the time I got to the aero center. Thought I would see Danial and Yak Hang there first. In the end Delvin and Jon Ho came earlier and Danial came late. Yak Hang didn't even come. Testing was damn weird cos all the girls passed but the guys had to try a few times ._. and Kishore was raging about himself the whole time. Even on FB. Then Darren (I think?) flew with me cording him. He suddenly nosedive, but I gave him time to recover. Just after I took back control, the rubber band snapped and the wing flew off. It stayed up in the air for quite some time. It looked kinda lonely up there in the sky by itself, flapping about aimlessly...

And Man U played Liverpool at Anfield today. I was actually expecting Liverpool to win narrowly (Some fan, lol), but Hernandez came on and scored to level out. Didn't know he'd recovered already. Still waiting for Cleverly to get better. Looks like we really need him. Hopefully he's fit for Man City, cos that'd be the most impt game.

Full time 1-1, oh well.

I hope you don't go too. You don't seem like you anymore. And it was so unexpected anyways, at least to me. You never looked like you'd given up. And then now, what I'm inclined to think is a rebound effect.

Felt good to finally let my doubts out.

Good Night

Whatthefindingnemo

Written in the stars,
A million miles away...

I couldn't tell you. Shouldn't have uttered a word in the first place. The temptation to just unload a barrage on you was so great. Yet just 1 tiny piece of information shouldn't have come to mind. How ironic that I even considered telling you, when you were the last person that I should've thought of. Luckily I had other things to occupy you with. But if you want to do know the real reason, it's because of something else. I can't tell you, and I probably never will. But thanks for trying to help :)

Sigh...

It almost feels like exams are over. A Maths doesn't seem to worry me. I'm scared that I'm not scared for A Maths. Bloody mindfuck. No mood to study for Lit as well. After 18+11 essays, mugging another 17 chapters worth of quotes and characterisations and foreign culture seems so daunting. Bah. And to think I'm counting on Lit to rescue my Combine Humans. Looks like I can say bahbye to an A...

I don't see how lack of initiative amounts to ingratitude...

And yes, that's a reference to you, if you even read my blog at all. Ironic that the first line I ever said to you was through your blog. And now what's become of it?

Good Night

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SCYSF

So close yet so far...

Sigh exam week feels like a disaster. Everything just feels like it's falling apart. SS study all the essays, land up no time do SBQ. Combine Humans gone case already. And for the first time I'm worried about my English. Can't help thinking that my essay might be out if point. Wasn't thinking when I wrote it. I tend to get too engrossed while writing... and I thought I could pass Chinese this term. Paper 2 sure shattered that hope. Looks like I'll be expecting to see Si Ern and the rest next year during Chinese lesson. Sciences went weirdly I guess. Don't know whether to laugh or cry... I guess it won't be too much to wish for an B3. No mood for A Maths and Lit anymore.

I think the stress is getting to me.

And you. You seem like a total stranger now. And it's not your fault, but sometimes I can't help thinking you could put in some effort, instead of staring and being unresponsive. You were the best, the favoured, the most skilled, and now everyone's lost you. But no one cares now do they? Because power changes. You don't become selfish, just uncaring. Cliques form within cliques. And you're not the only one who seems like a stranger now. The one person I seem to be able to count on is somewhat close to someone I wouldn't prefer. I can't help but think if you're just an unwitting spy.

Agh I can't keep concentration. My mind seems to be slipping away from my body everyday. Just tired of everything. Even the thought of exams doesn't evoke anything.

So alike, yet you mind as well be light years away, because I'll never get the chance to....

Good Night

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EOY Day 1

Am I staying only cos of guilt?

Haha today's papers were English 1 and History. It went more or less according to plan. Although I'm quite scared for my compo. Write like 4.5 sides on ''Voice'', then realised I didn't have any clear main points. Landed up cramming all of them into my concluding paragraph. I have no idea how the proposal will end up, seeing as I slept through the last few English lessons where Mrs Tham was revising it. Oh well, still got paper 2 tomorrow. Counting on my summary to pull me up again. History went sorta fine. Then again, last term I felt it was ''fine'' also, and ended up with an A2. Bloody hell, hopefully my conclusions and C&C don't screw up. Worried for my militarism essay also. Wrote longer for benefits than harms, even though my conclusion decided harms. Haha Charlie damn sad. Mug only 2/18 essays, both never come out. According to him, he just wrote 4 lines for each essay question.

Shouldn't have eaten so much chips the last few days. Now have stoopid sore throat and mild fever earlier today. Pfft.

I'm supposed to be mugging Physics, but definitions+formulas=braindead. I'll probably cram everything in tmr morning as usual. Double pffft. Hoping for at least a B... and not only cos my parents will scold me :/

Went to my grandaunty's wake today, brought my physics notes along. In the end, all the info cannot retain, so I gave up. During the prayers, I couldn't help thinking about who would attend MY wake... I'd probably also put something stupid in my will, like that nobody was allowed to cry over my death. That is, if anyone cries at all :P pfft.

Would you? Even now I can't decide if I would hope desperately that you'd come. Would I?

Sigh... onwards till the end of EOYs!

Minimal distractions. That includes you, emotions. Behave, so I can concentrate :D

Good Night

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Wishful Thinking

But it's just the price I pay,
Destiny is calling me,
Open up my eager eyes,
Cos I'm Mr. Brightside :)

Loved that song last time, still do. What an appropriate song :)

Haha I feel like blogging about geek schtuff. Not really geek schtuff lah, but hey, humour me :D haha.

Apparently scientists have (sort of) found a way to break the lightspeed barrier, using neutrinos. And this is possibly the biggest breakthrough since E=MC2 (which ironically, it just proved wrong). Although most scientists around the world are sceptical, I believe (want) this to be true. After all, most of our theories and concepts we have now were thought to be ''outrageous'' in their time (think Copernicus etc.) So hopefully the results of the experiment hold up, cos I desperately wish to witness at least unmanned interstellar travel before I die. I know, not very feasible, but hey, one can dream :) I've always been fascinated by space, especially the theories bordering on science fiction. I've harboured the slim hope that one day I can be a theoretical physicist. But hey, who am I bluffing. I can't even bloody pass Sec sch physics T.T oh well, looking forward to future developments.

In a 2nd piece of exciting science news, apparently doctors have found a ''cure'' with a 90% success rate for curing AIDS. And this is wonderful because millions upon millions could benefit if this ''cure'' actually worked. So many innocent people suffer because of AIDS. An unlucky blood transfusion, an unwitting sex partner etc. The social stigma of having AIDS has been even called worse than the illness itself. Until society can change their mindset fully, it's not going to happen anytime soon. As someone once said, ''The assholes of the world are people who never grew up from high school''. I guess he's right :)

Did I make it too obvious?

Quick studying update would go something like:
History (Maybe)
A and E Maths (I think can. Then again, this mindset screwed up my term 3 maths)
Physics (Dunno. Maybe can. Looking shaky)
Chem (Enjoy it, but don't know whether can convert into actual results)
Lit and SS (SS haven't really start. Lit not at all. Dead)

Agh prolly won't be able to blog during EOYs. See whether I can squeeze in one last post tmr or Sunday.

It wasn't supposed to end up like this. You weren't supposed to. But I'm stuck, and you're too pre-occupied.

Good Night

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Help

Today was my first violin lesson in about a month. 1 whole month. And I probably practised only 4 or 5 times in that month. Wonderful. I was praying she wouldn't scold me. Landed up the whole lesson basically she going through the new scales format. And cause I actually bothered to learn the new scales also, at least she wasn't so pissed. Yay... but she did scold me cause it was quite crappy also... lucky we didn't have time for pieces, or I would've been royally screwed.

Fuckit, my mom just started scolding me out of the blue for leaving my notes on the table. Wtf. And then since she got nothing else better to do, go and find something else to be mad at me about. Apparently putting my violin case next to the door instead of behind it is a crime, which promptly got it thrown out of the room. Yes, THROWN. And she complains that I always don't take care of it. Well, at least it was in the case before she threw it. But still.... sigh. Hooray....

Pfft.

After that I went for church to serve my weekday duty. Was wondering why it was different from the mass in sch this morning... oh well. I just suddenly got a feeling to stay back after mass. So I did. I found a pew near the back and knelt down. What happened next, even I don't know why. I just cried and poured out everything in my mind. And the only thing I kept repeating was ''God help me''. I think I must be going crazy... then Isaac and Alfred started locking up church, so I finished up my hysterical prayer and left. Although I did feel calmer after that :) God's a good listener.

Agh, come home just stone on FB. Couldn't be bothered to start on chem. I managed to finish History before mass started. Maybe I'll go refresh it now before I sleep.

Good Night

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Pfft

I'm trying to think of what to blog now... *thinker pose* I told myself I'd make this a ''normal post''. I feel like such an attention whore when I post rants/rages -.- But I can't deny the fact that it does kinda help...

Anddd ''normal'' brings me to the fact that I didn't do any homework/studying today. At all. I am so screwed. Now I have probably the entire WWII Causes to memorise tomorrow. Whoopee. And that's only like half of the essays I need to memorise.

Pfft. Lucky Geog-Lit students *jealous*

Omg I'm deferring to the most boring thing to talk about. Wonderful,I'm trying to squeeze water out of the desert in my brain. I realise I like talking in metaphors :P it's kinda fun actually. It's like if you can't think of anything else better to say, use metaphors :D Well, suffice to say, the weather today was totally awesome. I slept through the first half of chem and later, the last half of SS. Damnit, just reminded myself of the SS stuff I have to bloody memorise _l_

After school had chinese tuition. It was eye-opening, but I promised to make this a normal post. So I'm not going to discuss the intricacies of human nature now/here :D

Supposed to go meet Li Xin for the rehearsal thing. Was trying to help ZB think of excuses to juss his mom and go also haha ^^ in the end he came :D Someone's *cough* phone died on them, so we only reached the studio at 6.30 -.-

Pfft. Feel like a noob looking at piano scores T.T In the end reach home at 8.35. Haha I told my mom I was studying at Northpoint McDonald's. The convo went something like this:

Her: COME HOME NOW! WHY YOU SO LATE?!
Me: aiyah we kena chase out. Have to go find new place
Her: HURRY UP COME HOME! YOU WON'T KENA CHASE OUT!
Me: Sure boh...
Her: I don't know what your msg mean. But hurry up! You still need practise!
Me: Ok can

Haha win (Y). I guess that's about all

Good Night

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Decisions

Am I doing the right thing? I wish I knew.

Studying doesn't hold the same distraction anymore... well if count tuition as sorta studying. Had maths and physics back to back. Comfortable with A Maths. Can't say the same for Physics though. Hoping for at least a B4 for EOY. Gosh I haven't even started Chem yet. Maybe I'll start tomorrow. And I didn't do my 4 essays for History today. So I'll be doing 8 essays tomorrow T.T

Why couldn't you just be there? You don't know, because it isn't obvious to anyone besides me. Why can't you just be around, so I'm not the one feeling the pressure? I need your help and you don't know it. Building walls... I don't know why I do it. Why torture myself. Why not just confide in someone. Because the only person I have confided in, though still my best friend, is so different in mentality. He can't help me. And I don't know who can.

Hang in there, because I know how you feel, and because everybody hurts. So keep holding on

All my life I've tried
To make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide
- King of Anything :)

And crap, Crouch just scored for Stoke. Man U haven't seemed to be themselves since the Chelsea match ._. But I have faith they'll come back :)

Faith. Have it. You might be blind, but faith will take you where you need to go. Have faith :)

Good Night

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BODY! Y U NO CO-OPERATE!

Am I leading you on?

I guess there hasn't been much happening in the last few days. Waiting for a creative/thoughtful spasm from my brain (or what's left of it). I guess you'll just have to make do with this.

I was kinda thinking...

There's nothing worse than giving someone hope, then tearing him apart. The higher you are, the harder you fall. And I guess humans are just too selfish to do anything other than for themselves. Have I seen true selflessness? I hope that I have. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm confused as to whether I'm really confused. Mindfuck much? I guess all I've been doing is running away from my problems. I'm afraid facing up to them will just be disastrous for everyone. And I don't need that right now. People always say Carpe Diem, seize the day. Pffft. If everyone did that, the world would've collapsed long ago.

But I guess that process has only been slowed down. America and Europe are spiralling down as fast as their rise in the 20th century. Ironic that Asians used to be discriminated against. Well actually it still happens now sometimes. Yet we are the only ones who seem to be able to save the world right now. As expected, Obama's Jobs Bill faced much resistance. Too lazy to go find his Jobs Speech. Maybe I'll try tomorrow. I guess Obama actually is quite good. He has vision. Perhaps he's just too scared of what might happen if he fails. Coupled with the fact that America is still in the Middle East, I guess it's no wonder his popularity is declining...

Went to collect the Weston prize with Jun Wei today. Gargh caught a stoopid flu on the way. Tried studying History on the way there, couldn't concentrate. Same with Maths just now. Every few seconds *sniffle*. Ugh why can't my body just behave. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. And my mother just scolded me for falling sick. Like wtf, I WANT to become sick isit?! Managed to collect the Chem notes today. All the teachers seem to be chionging last minute also. Even Mr Quay compiled a formula and definitions list.

Are you leading me on? Although this is more likely just self-deception on my part ._.

Today can count as kinda productive. Sigh hope EOY goes okay... I still have Maths and Physics tuition tmr more or less back to back.

Good Night

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Lunacy

Should I be feeling guilty about something I'm not doing? (with the exception of homework of course) Someone once called me the monk in the temple. I wish I'd never come out.

Y'know it's kinda funny how when we're younger all we wanted to do was grow up quickly and take charge of our own lives. But when we actually do grow up, we find out that the world isn't the bed of roses we thought it would be. It's a place where you lose yourself if you're not careful. A place of problems, desires, emotions, social stresses... and then we look back at when we were younger and think, if only I could go back in time and revert to our old mindset.

You see, people do not mind being ordered around, so long as you can take adequate care of them. Don't you agree? As Steve Jobs thought, ''People don't really know what they want until you show them'' That's why it's just as easy to mould bad leaders as well as good ones, because people are never sure about anything, even about themselves.

And I keep wondering, would it have made a difference if I had got to either of you first?

I should sort out myself before attempting others', I guess.

Oh well.

The Man U-Chelsea match yesterday was a total farce. Both teams didn't look like themselves at all, miss here miss there. Clear cut chances, poof! The Torres one was the worst. Gilded opportunity, handed to him on a silver platter and he scoffs it. Joke.

Nothing much else... my mugger gear still warming up. I need it to kick into overdrive!!

Good Night

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Imma make you pay

My orienteering badge is being bitchy, doesn't wanna stick to the frigging shield holder. Yesterday and today, not much happened. But there was english oral today. 20% of EOY. For some reason I didn't feel anxious enough about it. I guess it kinda went okay. The reading passage was fine, but I did screw up one part. As for the convo, according to the teacher, I had good ideas, but needed to expand more on them. Looks like I won't bet Weng Han on this. Oh well.

If you read the back page of the Life section today, you'd know the Roald Dahl's daughter was requesting £500,000 pounds from his readers so that they could help to shift and preserve the small hut where Dahl wrote all his stories. That has to be the most stoopid thing I've ever heard. She herself is already in a relationship with a jazz singer reportedly worth 5 million pounds himself. And she's asking people to donate funds. Wow, looked at a mirror much? What's even more ugh is that the spokesman for the Dahl Foundation (or something like that) justified her request by saying they've generously donating 10% of their income to charity. Which is probably what most people can't even afford to earn in a year. I guess it's really hard to find true selflessness and generosity nowadays :/

Another thing you might have heard is that NASA is planning to go back to liquid fuel rockets, which will allow deeper space missions. And oh, cost just around maybe 300+ BILLION DOLLARS? Which also happens to be the amount Greece is hoping to receive from their next bailout. That is, if they can survive till then. It's kinda stupid how America is going ''Ohh no! We should cut spending for our OWN people instead of reducing our frigging defence budget, fighting wars in OTHER countries, which by the way, shouldn't have started in the first place'' and when Obama actually brings something useful like a Jobs Bill, I have a feeling it's gonna take awhile. Oh well.

I guess that's all for now, folks.

Good Night

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Emptiness

I guess it isn't helping that I don't have anyone to talk to right now to distract me. Suddenly thought of the lyrics to The Click Five's Empty. Old song, and slow as well. I don't usually go for slow songs, but hey, this one makes an exception :) "We're empty..."

Which is kinda how I've been feeling the past week or so. Actually, confusing, more than anything. I guess posting on Facebook temporarily releases the stress of life, but then again, doesn't really help much. I'm not making sense right now, am I? Gosh, I think I honestly might be going a little crazy right now, bottling everything up inside. Time bomb much? I have no idea what's going to happen when it does explode. Recalling another memory now, and of all things from Madagascar. "Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave..." And isn't that all I can do now? Writing all this off the top of my head now. I guess isn't that where we reveal the most of our humanity (or lack thereof?)

"Y'see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are" The Joker (The Dark Knight)

And I guess the world really is going to hell. Not just for everyone, but I guess to certain extent, me too. Is it right, to wish misfortune on others solely for yourself? Probably most people would've answered "no". On the other hand, is it wrong to fight for yourself, for what you believe in and want, and think that you deserve? Rephrasing does have the effect of mindfucking most people.

Doesn't help that the other person is like a brother to me.

Am I giving too much away? Mm, maybe. But then again, doing it has a rather cathartic effect. Although I seriously have no idea what's happening to me.

Can't wait to grow up and clear all the stupid shit from being a teenager out of my system. It'd be nice to forget everything once in a while.

Just thought of NCC. Then again, I don't think that'd be too surprising. I guess I love it so much is cos it just focuses your mind on one thing, whether it's coordinating the drills, or putting your next foot forward doing PT. Really let's you dive into another world of timings and physical endurance. Kinda distracts you from all the shit. Then like cold water to the face, training ends, and you're slammed headfirst into reality.

God help me, I'm really confused right now. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the joke that is my life

Good Night

Mt Ophir/Gunung Ledang/Kim Sua

Haha I guess this is kinda late. BUUUUTT seeing as Saturday was total a stone day to "recover", and Sunday was more or less "busy" with homework, I guess it's forgivable :D

As always, I KINDA started packing late. Then again, the packing list was so inaccurate, it didn't really matter I guess. Apparently my parents sorta remembered the stupid deal about not getting any Cs at all, and as a result, "negotiations"... were required. Now I have to fulfill 7 conditions. Of which adding my parents on FB is Number 1. FML. In case they DO read this post, I'm not going to say any more. The walls have ears...

Reached HQ before 8pm, and there was only 1 other guy there. So we kinda stoned with the PDS AIs who were staying overnight, till about lights out time. Sleeping in the learning terrace, which was FRIGGING cold. In the end we laugh laugh joke joke until cannot sleep. Sleep already also couldn't sleep properly cos of the cold. Landed up 3.30 we go outside to the canteen and sleep there till we had to wake up. (Y) Bus ride there, was BORING. Didn't help that we just kept to ourselves. REALLY wished I had brought along my phone. Luckily for my sanity, Ze Bin brought along an MP3 player, albeit with really little songs. But oh well, at the very least I didn't go crazy.

Reach there rest, then after that had our outdoor activities. Flying Fox and the obstacle course. The flying fox was damn slooooooww haha, but it was cool actually doing it in the jungle, so that probably made up for it. The obstacle course was coooooool shizz. The commando crawl actually used barbed wire, although very little haha. BUT STILL... it totally owns HQ's MOC :D

The next day trek was hardcore. Wake up then hurry up pack our stuff then start climb le. The totally worst part was that the stupid equipment was frigging smelly from THREE previous batches. So the entire trip we were smelling 3 days' worth of sweat. Although you don't really focus on the when you're climbing. You just kinda will yourself to take the next step. Kinda wasted that we didn't go all the way to the top. Heard the view would've been awesome. Soooo we stayed at the end-point for around an hour (We slept for most of it) before heading back down. Forgot to mention the cute awesome dog that followed us from base camp. Haha fed some of our bread to it. Come back already, we more or less crashed in the room till dinner. The campfire was kinda fail, especially since no one really bothered to plan properly for the performances. Although the fire itself was rather big... impressive. Watched The Dark Knight before sleeping. Relieved to have something in english for once :P

Next day was sorta survival training. The jungle cooking was damn fail cos the fire was so hard to sustain. Didn't help that it started drizzling as well. Our egg only became soft-boiled (although according to the instructor, it was edible). The potato, total (N).

Going back was rather much the same, except perhaps that Lucas was more hyper than usual, and Ze Bin was emoing more than usual, probably cos of his wife :P Cheer him up also cannot. Sighh...

I guess that's about it for Mt Ophir...

Good Night :)

SSC

Ahhh I guess it's my birthday, technically. I shouldn't be emo-ing, but well, I guess I am :/ Was hoping to go into HQ on Sat and come out with something. Land up neither Air Comp nor SSC fulfilled that hope :(

Air Comp was a disaster for my category, not just for me. All the usual people, save for ACSI, crashed out in the 1st or 2nd round. Then land up NORTHVIEW come and own everyone like siao. I was hoping to have a chance to get to the finals. Land up, I must've offended somebody or what, I launch that time the prop become loose. The inevitable crash was, to say the least, extremely depressing. The usual suspects like Yak Hang, Alvyn, even DELVIN didn't make it past the 3.5m T.T such a disappointment :/ The rain I prayed for came, but at the totally wrong time, when we were just about to commence the Open Cat. Land up postpone to this sat. And I have Ophir, so no choice DQ lor :( gargh Air Comp, nothing at all... NOTHING.

SSC was ok guess, just that I only knew 2 ppl in my platoon. But oh well, managed to make frens, especially in my section :D I wonder if the Chung Cheng Top 5 is really all gay. Hm... Mutuals was thankfully fine, thanks to my APC Justin Ho :D then come the awards. Was hoping to come away from HQ with at least something. False hope... Gone! Poof! Disappeared into thin air. I think maybe I would've preferred it if I didn't make it onto the shortlist, and have that one chance torn away from me, especially since NCC is such a big part of my life...

And all I can do is just smile and carry on.

On a separate note, really confused now I guess, because something happened to me that shouldn't have. I don't know to fight for myself or for others. Sigh... I guess personal happiness, fun, joy, peace and laughter has its price as well :/

On the (sorta) brighter side, at least I got my lanyard and rank. I must say, its cooler than I expected :D

Haha oh well, I guess I should be happy today. Still haven't decided if I'm going to watch The Cat tmr :P

Good Night

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Weird

That's what today was... in a nice awesome kinda way. Today I missed normal training (again :/), this time cos of PDS. But it was kinda ok I guess, just hope and pray tmr dun screw up :P

And then after training Lucas gathered the Part Bs, who wished me happy birthday :D awwww~~ the presents were awesome. The board with their names and the spammage of ''chewie'' at the bottom, the card javier and kit ee wrote for me, and the speakers :D haha omg... at the risk of sounding gay-ish, I love you guys! And you too Lucas, and all the NCOs! ^^ haha. Looks like I made the right choice of CCA :D Lucas next year I know we pass out alr, so I'll get the entire unit to do something for you for POP instead :D and THEN, we'll rape and taupok you on the field ^^

Haha after that went to play soccer for a while. Going back that time decided to use Weng Han as target practice. Landed up hitting the chairs... with Zheng saw and promptly pwned us. BUT, as always, the best solution is... Smile and wave boys, just smile and wave... gosh I don't make sense sometimes ._.

Haha I guess thats about it for today, just hope tmr goes smoothly.

Good Night

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All About Tonight

New Pixie Lott song. Awesum. Nuff said

Gosh, feels like a lifetime since I last blogged. Maybe it had something to do with my total lack of internet access since exams started. Just saying... :P

To sum up what's happened since exams... well obviously I've gotten back all my results. And for lack of a word strong enough to describe them, I shall settle with ''fucked up''. I feel like just going ''ARGH!!!'' Not forgetting the *repeated headbang* ow... Both maths especially were a total disappointment. E Maths totally blanked out, and A Maths was careless until ''vomit blood'' is an understatement. All I had in my head when I got back the results was what Mr Teo wrote on my paper.

Expected better from you

Yeah well, I had hoped so as well. But things obviously didn't go the way I wanted to right? Doesn't help that my A Math retest slammed that in my face. Sigh... now I've deproved from Term 2, and this term is supposed to be EASIER. Gosh... Lit was a total let-down as well. Murphy's Law is such a bitch T.T

Oh well, made up my mind to chiong after September Holidays. For real this time. No more ''oh talk only no action'' FOR REAL. I'm gonna prove that woman wrong, and shove the A1s in her face. But concentrate on mugging... can't count your chickens before they hatch :P

Air Comp and SSC starts this Sat. I don't know whether to be nervous or excited. More nervous I guess. Especially the mutuals for SSC. And I still not sure if I ponning church. God, will you understand? The SSC schedule so packed... :/ Air Comp training has been going ok I guess... just pray that day minimal wind.

Decided to take aero seriously as a hobby... alr found most of the stuff I want online. I'll have to fulfill another deal with my parents before they decide to... sponsor me haha. Thinking of following Delvin, make my own kites from corrugated plastic. The one during AAWC was a total fail :P saves me the $ from buying new aircraft, although I am eyeing the Katana mini...

Mt Ophir's put me in a bit of a spot... my parents haven't allowed me to go, but the forms have been handed in... guess I'll have to try to salvage the situation with another deal.

Oh well

On the bright side, Man U took Arsenal apart with 8 goals. That's right, EIGHT. Demolished, routed, destroyed, ate up, decimated, vaporised... you get the idea ^^ I guess that's all for now

Good Night

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If Life had Keyboard Functions

Feeling random and strangely emo-ish. Here Elena, happy? Hahahaha next I time I lazy you must come motivate me :D

Alt+F4, for the times when things just don't seem to go our way, and we just want all our problems to stop

CTRL+C and CTRL+V, to copy and paste our friends :D

CTRL+X, to cut away all the trolls and detractors in life

F5, to refresh all those happy memories again and again

Caps Lock, to amplify all the happy moments in our lives, and to scream at the top of our lungs just for the joy of it :)

CTRL+Z, so we could go back in time, and right our wrongs, did things we should have, say what we've been bottling up inside, because you never know when it's too late.

CTRL+F, so we could easily find what we've lost

Print Screen, so we could capture precious moments forever

CTRL+A, so we could just select everything at one go. Efficiency, no? Haha.

Today's exam turned out kinda ok I guess. English was not bad, just only that Passage B had some weird questions. SS was more or less ok, although I am worried about the format I answered in for the SEQ :/ Oh well, tomorrow's Chinese and History. Hopefully I can remember all the points ><

Haiz... I really should be sleeping now haha.

Good Night

National Day

Ha, looks like I WILL be able to blog today. My parents booked us rooms at hotel so we could get access to a viewing area for today's NDP. At first I thought it would be a waste of money. But after the actual thing, I can't say I don't regret thinking that way. Oh well. Quite cool to see a female RSM leading. The military display fireworks were awesome :D

Today was our PDS performance at the Bishan CC. I seriously think there's something wrong with our PDS performances. Our trainings are all damn sui, but come the actual thing, we drop at... unexpected drills. Gargh why can't we just have a perfect performance for once. Sigh... feels weird having weeks of effort finish up in 3 mins. Not in the right frame of mind now. PDS...Sigh...It's your fault. Funny thing is, you don't even know it. Or maybe I'm just trying to find fault with anyone but myself. Or maybe I'm just jealous/envious. Then again, all I can say now is to treasure what you have, because not everyone is capable of what you have.

Yesterday's school NDP was kinda ok bah. Something happened, but I'm not gonna say here. Like I said on FB, after seeing other schools' NDP, I realise ours suck. Our GOH doesn't use arms, and we don't even have a colours party. Oh well... come to think of it, the current system is kinda screwed up. We should just do it like AMK, where the main GOH consist of each UG. Rather than ours, where we rotate UGs. That means only if you lucky, then you are the GOH during your NCO year. Hmmm... maybe I should bring this up? But oh well, its alr over.

Cherish whatever you may have, because inherently, nobody is equal.

Good Night

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Jail Time

Argh home feels like some kind of jail to me now. I have absolutely no internet access whatsoever, so I guess now I'll more or less be able to blog every Tuesday only, before mass starts :/

To Ernest; if you're reading this, please consider whether my post is up to your 5 star standards of entertainment. Then again, since I feel bitchy, I'm gonna say that you can't complain about my blog since you, well, listen to Gaga. Not hatin' on her though... or as much as you might think. That's all :D

Sooooo last thursday had the first NDP training, and to be totally honest, it was kinda... phail. NPCC didn't even come, scouts left halfway, and the drummer kept screwing up. Apparently, this thursday was supposed to be a reserve training. But looking at last week, I guess the decision to activate it must have been a no-brainer. Friday training was basically a refresher for C&C. My group turned out ok, not too bad. But not impressive either. Oh well...

Saturday had aero, so went down to HQ again. Zhan Hong came at around 11am to help setup the limbo pole. Thought that more people would be there, but land up only CHS and Danial. The wind that day was damn strong, so flying was basically a nightmare, let alone trying to fly under the limbo pole, even though it was already set to the maximum. Only managed to get through about 2-3 times, then tried again and crashed into the corner. Ouch. Hopefully we don't break anymore, seeing as we only have 2 cessnas left. Partial blame to the wind (haha I tend to do that), but then again, it's harder than it looks :P For PDS, we finally managed to teach finish the performance. So from then till next Tuesday, we'll just keep spamming. Can't say I'm not nervous, because, we're doing it in public. Also, seems like we'll be going down to Bishan CC itself on Sat to practise, as well as the day before

Sunday school was weird, partly because it was damn full. There were 2 new students, 1 from America and the other one from England. Recently also Samantha came back for lessons, but by the looks of it she was probably forced into it by her father haha :P

Oh well.

Drama yesterday after Joel's money got stolen... again. Then Mr Teo call the discipline teachers and we wasted the last 2 periods trying to find the culprit, though they didn't find him at the time. After school there was a Chem retest. So Ms Qiu happened to find money in Alex's Newsweek. Turns out Detective Weng Han was kinda right :P
Results of that particular incident would be evident if you looked outside the HOD room.

On a brighter note(s), the US Government FINALLY appears to be reaching a compromise on their stupid debt crisis. Urgh waste so much time. To default, or not to default? That is the question. Although with Europe already in trouble because of Greece, I doubt that we would be able to escape another recession. Sighhh... Also, I managed to start my studying! HA! HAHA! MR is next week and I don't want it to end up like MYEs. Although whether I'll continue studying is another question. But, I think I'll start on History and some Chem today. I kind of rather enjoy those 2.

Oh well, till next time,

Goodbye

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Because

Haha omg so long nvr blog. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that all my internet connections have been cut off. Using the Wireless@SG at Great World now :P

Soooo things from the past week or so.

1. Took the Part As for drills last Friday. I have to say, I can see why all the Part B specs are so frustrated. First time I've been so unhappy. Part Bs usually do well enough, but the Part As were... *headbang* . Then again, maybe I should have been B UDI instead. Not close to the Part As so I'm more willing to scold them. Not that I won't punish the Part Bs, but evidently, that hasn't happened yet. Argh something's wrong with me.

2. Went for aero training on Saturday. Nothing much, although the thing, weirdly, that I'm worried about is the launching. Too used to launching with lower throttle with kites so the Cessna always stalls when I want to take off. Gargh have to tune that up before AIR Comp, which happens to be during SSC as well. Looks like we'll be having a short break during SSC. CPT Angela setting up the limbo course this Sat for us to try. Forgot to mention that Boon Ji and Bryan wrecked a plane last Sat, so now we only have 1 working Cessna. GOSH *face-palm*

3. FINALLY went to watch HP7. Sadded that Edwin wasn't there. Watched part 1 with him and Francine, then now he wasn't there to finish up :/ Soooo firstly OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG IT WAS AWESOME!!! The fight scenes were totally epic, ESPECIALLY the Battle of Hogwarts. The movie was definitely more detailed since the book was split in 2, but some parts maybe could have delved more into the minor plots, especially Snape's memory. But overall it was ... words escape me. I feel like an abyss just opened inside me, which I'm sort of trying to fill by re-reading The Deathly Hallows again :P

Ahhhh well, that's about it, folks. Hopefully I can blog more again.

Goodbye (Good Night would be rather inappropriate, don't you think?)

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Mooosh! Creedyyyyy

Haha so todayyyyy there were two tests, A Maths and chemistry. The A Maths was kinda ok but the chemistry was super GL. Actually hor, can do lah, just that it was damn leychey so in the end not much time also. The MCQ questions mind as well be like normal structured wtf.

Argh I feel sleepy so I'm gonna rush up everything else

Todayyyyy had PDS training also. It was kinda not bad lah. We managed to finish and almost perfect the first half. So next training we'll just finish up my half of the choreo. Hopefully this will turn out better than last years NDP. Somemore public siaaaaa. So pray lah pray lah, we can get a near perfect performance come 9th august.

Good Night

110th NCC Day Parade 2011

I only have exactly 13mins left so I'll try to crap out everything within then.

So today was kind of weird. Cos Yak Hang came at 8.30am. I only came at 10.45 liddat. The aero centre only open at 11.15am. Soooooo YAK HANG SAD CASE HAHAHA. He stone there for like nearly 3 hourse doing nothing in his No. 3 lol.

So the 1st rehearsal the wind started only when our turn come. Again. WTF. So when I launch that time got problem. The kite kept going left then I full right still cannot counter. Then I crash at the tentage there behing some old lady. And she didn't even flinch o.O So I re-launch then ok le...

The 2nd rehearsal was better. But when i landing that time I accidentally crash into Alvyn. So Alvyn, if you are reading this, sorry.

The actual parade when ok. The president come, the GOHs do the drills sui sui. The FSD and the PDS performance quite nice also. Then our turn come. I was so nervous I was literally on my knees praying, before we took off. Then fly fly fly. I was damn scared I go into the no-fly zone. So my right circuit was super huge. Then I underestimated the throttle, so i accidentally flew behind the screen. Zam elevator also never work. So I just cut throttle then crash-land... Motor first. *Headbang repeatedly* Damage assessment: Spine broke, Propeller gone, O Ring gone, front bar break. @(_!*@!^$~!$

Only got 3 mins left sooo...

Good Night

Loud Noises

Yes, Transformers 3. Haha. But first... today's X-Country.

Woke up with the rest of the family, made it to the bus stop in time. Then wait for 74. *arrive. I look inside* WTF the entire bus filled till bursting. Then Bo Wei was inside also haha. Next bus 852 also liddat. Finally the next 74 double decker, so can squeeze in. Then saw Si Ern at the next bus stop, but too full so he also cannot get in lol. The marshalling itself quite boring, but we also saw a monitor lizard. Then people running towards it then scare it away :( Then also got some blur kings keep going straight even though we tell them go left l. *facepalm*

After that went to Bishan play soccer wif Si Ern they all. Halfway through started raining but we heck care. But I barefoot, then the floor quite slippery so I kept slipping :/ Then the penalty shootout and halfcourt game was kinda fun haha.

Go home then shower, practise, then went to watch Transformers 3 at AMK Cathay. The other time they go watch, I went HQ. So since it looked super cool, decided to just catch it myself before they stopped screening. Figured I didn't have many other chances. The movie's plot was kind of jerky, but the fight scenes totally made up for it. Plus, kind of weird that last time the first movie they portray killing a Decepticon as damn hard. Then now, 9 autobots can defeat like 100+ Decepticons by themself haha. Then Rosie Huntington Whitely was... *drool* haha. Totally AWESOME. It kind of helped that the first scene of her is where the camera is trained on her ass while she's climbing the stairs (Y) WINNNN

Sooooooo stoked, tmr, or well today, is the real deal, the even we've been training for for 1 month plus, NCC Day Parade. Can't wait haha :D

Good Night

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Playing God

Wiki: Playing god refers to someone supposedly taking on the role of God for human purposes. Alleged acts of playing God may include, for example, deciding who is to live or die, in a situation where not everyone can be saved. Usually the expression is used to invoke a precautionary principle or to suggest that someone should refrain from a controversial action.

So I just happened to read this column in the Today newspaper well...today. Apparently (Somehow I missed this out) last year in May (I think), scientists created the first synthetic life form. And this raises some ethical questions that really, don't have any real answers. Is this supposed to be wrong? In the ideological and religious sense, yes. As the columnist stated, man was punished for trying to be like God. From my perspective, aren't we supposed to be happy just the way we are? In that case, when cloning becomes a realised dream, will it, in any sense, be ethical? Will it have, so to speak, a soul? And are we, the "creators", responsible for the soul of this clone, of a fellow, but manufactured, human being? Life, ultimately, shouldn't be up to us to give or take. That's why suicide is a crime in Singapore. On the other hand, if this dangerous toying is able to help mankind, will it be morally justifiable? Maybe, and that's all we can until the actually question arises. Stem cells, for instance, have already made huge scientific progress. But EMBRYONIC stem cells are basically just the murder of a young life, plain and simple. This raises again the age old dilemma. Is it right to take a life to save another? Abortion itself is wrong, and I feel that way too. But if it endangers the life of the mother, is it ok to go ahead? For now, I believe that the best answer we can give it that we try our best, and leave the rest to God.

In other, more local, news, Singapore's U-23 team is joining the Malaysia cup next year. Kinda excited about it. The S-League, in all essence, failed miserably to keep the standard of soccer in Singapore, With our Causeway rivalry re-ignited, I'm quite excited to see how it's going to turn out. Although a bad point would be that with this, the S-League would lose what little attention it had. Apparently the FAS and FAM are in talks to combine their leagues, and maybe have and ASEAN league in the future, which is rather feasible. But given all the politicking that's sure to happen, it might take a while :/

Still have marshalling for tmr's X-Country,

Good Night

FUN FUN FUN FUN

Lol today's training was like super epic. The armed drills revise with the Part Bs, then they remember damn fast. So basically it was just a chiong-ed revision, and also give them more time to study/practise for the orienteering test next week. Then we decided march them around the track to kill time. Then also ask them give us songs. That part was quite fun actually. Then at the grand staircase there got some visitors with Ms Tan. So we decide do the hentak cheer. Then they look quite the impressed haha (Y)

The epic part came during PT. So we kinda had a combined PT. Do finish everything le then the Part Bs do chain pumping, 780. Then I told them all the "69" must shout altogether LOL. Haha then the Jacob keep screwing up his count wtf.

Haiyaa go sleep le.

Good Night

HEARTCORE

HAHA OMG today was super epic lah.

Actually started out quite sian, cos had to go for Chem remedial right after school. Then i was kinda hungry, so I heck care then go eat lunch first. Saw Jordan, so we decided to go up together. Then Ms Qiu scolded us for coming in late. Jordan: "AIYAH NVM I LEARN BEFORE ALREADY!" Ms Qiu: *stoneface* LOLOLOL EPIC COMEBACK (Y)

Then after that got the Physics class test, which was super duper guai lan. The questions look alright but when you try do is like halfway want to *headbang* those kind wan T.T I get 25 happy liao le.

After that had a sort of meeting with the NCOs. That went okok lah. Tried out the triple jumbo exchange with Ze Bin to test. Positive result. Now hope can replicate it with the heavier rifle, and on the day itself. Super nervous about it, because i think this is the first time we are performing publicly.

So suddenly Francine called ask whether want make Edwin's cake. Since no tuition, lucky can go make. Wahhh the cakes really ex lor. The 6-Inch want was like $20.80 :P Haha then buy the icing and all the other schtuff. Keep screwing up then got cake/icing/colouring on our fingers *lick off* haha. After that our fingers damn sticky. So we go to his house then saw his mother haha. She like stone there look at us for a while before we told her why we there. Then sing sing, cut cut, eat eat song ah haha. Then play around with the dog, which ALMOST peed on Francine's socks hahahahahaha. Hyper dogs (Y) Left at like 7.30 then kena lecture by my mother again lah.

Haizzz anti-climax way to end the day :/

Good Night

AAWC

Advanced Aeromodelling Wing Course. 4 words. So simple yet so much. And so close to me. It's an experience that I don't think I'll be forgetting anytime soon. Stupid Danial trying to cut people's hair with the kite. Dogfights then crashing. Gossiping about Lucas and Jallene. Yak Hang and his Ice Baby. Alvyn crashing into Ma'am. Kelvin and his planking. Fighting against the stupid wind. Delvin crashing the Cessna onto the roof, TWICE. Zhi Cai owning at Plants VS Zombies. Ahhhhh memories... and it's become such a part of my life. I think it's gonna be weird after BAWC when i don't need to go back on Saturdays anymore. It's also made me wanna come back as a Cadet Officer more now, just cos of aero. Gonna miss everyone :(

Grad ceremony was kinda weird. There was this weird extra wing that was apparently a "defect". Then in some of the envelopes got weird titles given to us. Like Danial most lesbo, Me is most gay (NOT TRUE!!!!!!) then also go and put the Ben & Jerry's flavour with the Chewy or whatever -.-

Aiyah now Ze Bin chasing me for the choreo.

The Last Goodbye - David Cook ( TO THE AAWC PPL, LOVE YOU GUYS!!! <3 )

Good Night

STUFF

Sooooooooo OMG CHINESE ORAL. *spasm* I was so super nervous about it. Then last night was trying to chiong the SS project. Do finish le supposed to log in. Because before that I didn't log in, now have to. So I forgot the Username. Then I anyhow try all the stupid things, still cannot get. So I give up, then try to register for new account. Register finish, go back. OMG WTF HAPPENED TO MY GLOG. WHERE DID IT GO?!?!?! SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! Then in the end really cannot find. Luckily My Fernandez so nice, then another group also went first instead. Their video was super epic. Another epic moment:

David: WHAT?! I go through 3 jobs a day to put you through university and this is how you repay me?!

Gordon: DAVID isn't that supposed to be you?

LOLWTF hahahahaha. After that got Chinese Oral. I was soooo super freaking scare about it, cos past few days the topics were super GL, really like want to make you go HUH?! WTF IS THIS I NEVER HEAR THIS BEFORE OMG! and then you stone there. LUCKILY, the convo topic I was well-prepared, cos it was about stress, so can just bullshit out the standard answers. HENG AH *sigh of huge relief*

Oh well, tomorrow is NCC Day rehearsal, the final one. If I'm not wrong, the president's bodyguard is coming down to vet the performance as well. GARGH the airspace is so smalllll. *rage* oh well...

Good Night