It's been a while since I last posted as well but I think today I'll just ramble a bit. The only rather interesting piece that's happened between the last post and now is that the team has started speed so I went down to Onsight to help them get started. And on that note
I guess since I was young I've never really considered teaching to be something I'd enjoy. And slowly as I took on leadership positions while growing up in school I realised it was something I could find a sense of fulfillment in. The first time I had ever been a "leader" in a sense was in the scouts in primary school where it served basically as something you progressed into rather than something that was earned by merit. Well, as far as I can remember anyway. The first time I was properly tasked to lead something was probably as an OAL for the Secondary 2 camp. Being in such a position of power for something like a camp felt exhilarating and eventually led to some degree of abuse of it. I went absolutely manic at certain points just because I could get away with it. I felt such a large amount of satisfaction being on the opposite end for once, being the one throwing shit instead of receiving it. But I quickly realised that what I had attained merely a fleeting happiness and decided that I would not go down that way again after I took over in NCC. Which brings me to my next point, of NCC being the thing up till now that has defined the way I view people. I think NCC kind of brought out a certain perfectionist side in me, due to the incredibly mind numbing repetitions we were required to perform for things from PT to drills. It nurtures your desire to make sure things are good on the first try so you don't have to do it again. And if you have to practice to make perfect, you do it even if it means 9 hours of training from Saturday morning to evening. It was also here that I realised that you don't need to instill the fear of God into your lower ranks in order to be a good leader. You don't need to make their hands and legs bleed from stupid punishments. I decided there and then after standing in front of them to be as reasonable about everything as I possibly could. And this is where I became probably the most lenient Part C UDI in history. I tend to explain it as being that Zhi Herng had disciplined them to the point where physical punishment was no longer necessary. I did, and still do believe that to be true. I recall only ever pumping them 2 or 3 times in my entire stint as their Staff Sergeant, and even then only being truly angry in one instance. And I'm not trying to be high and mighty here, but both times I pumped them, I did it along with them because I believe that what you do to others you should be able to yourself as well. I think that did help instill some sort of consideration on their part (pun of the day) and it helped immensely. Most of the time, when they fucked up I tried to explain things and only shouted when they fucked up incredibly bad. I do admit that I may have been a bit too nice to them, but I do not regret it at all, and in any case they did not climb over my head. I feel that, while it may not have been as fun (in the truest sense of the word) as other things I have endeavoured on, it was definitely the most fulfilling and I would not exchange it for anything else. And though this isn't exactly the best place to say it, I'll just leave this here by saying that I really do miss each and every single one of not only my part mates, but the part Cs I took. I still look back on the times where they did something nice for me, like my birthday and the present (which I still use today), and I wonder how everyone is doing now. So while this wasn't exactly teaching per se, its helped me discover a part of myself that I never really knew about, and for that experience I'm infinitely grateful.
Was a lot more melancholy when I decided to type this post up, but writing that last paragraph has somehow made me a lot more wistful and nostalgic, which helps in shoving the darker thoughts away. Oh well :)
Good Night
Keep on keeping on
And it's just I wanna know
