A Month

About a month since I last posted. In between got all the school stuff, plus slacking. And slacking some more. But maybe it's also cos like nothing bother-ish in the last month. So don't really need to complain about stuff here. So sry I neglected you blog.

I'm back baby!

Actually not really. Cos I'm supposed to be hardcore-ing History. And I guess Chem also. I think SS can just give up. Unless next week I go into over-drive. Come to think of it, that doesn't sound too bad. That's IF I'm able to adhere to it. Now's probably a bad time to start playing a new game. Gahhhhh

I just realise I got a lot to talk about.

So I finished New Girl some time last week. Episode 11 to 24(?) In one shot. Ultimate 4hours of my life. The show is AWESOME. Not just cos it's funny and stuff, but also cos it hits home. You wish you lived with Jess, Schmidt, Nick and Winston. And Jess. Omg. I swear, I'm going to meet ZD one day. The season finale was quite good. At first I thought Nick would really move out. Then I thought heck, it's Nick. And Cece is hot. Overloadddddddd. I hope Season 2 doesn't take too long...

So I have remedial tomorrow. And I don't really feel like going. Physics. Mr Quay. Not like I go school will do anything productive. Prolly just stone/sleep. I need to learn from Jing Yew. That's a real BAMF. But I'll probably just go anyway. Cos hey, I'm fucked either way. Might as well go and disturb Marcus.

People are retarded.

Ok certain people. I think someone has been taking my money. I can't be sure though. Cos I don't have proof. But certain people never change. Pfft, gift my ass. Well at least I'm keeping track now. So if really missing anything I'll know. So yeah. Some people need to get their own goddamn life and stop leeching.

And then there's just now. It's fucked up when you feel fucked up for no reason/randomness. Did that make sense... ok. Seriously though, the juxtaposition (hey, literature) of that situation. Even though you don't know. Just, AGHHH. Sometimes you feel like life fucks you over just because it can. Putting things just within your reach and then jerking it away. Motherdie... pfft.

Timo got his first split-screen MOAB. So at least that's good. And I played like shit after that, ironically. I think I rush too much.

Which seems true for almost everything else.

Yay.

Good Night (wtf I'm hungry now)

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Viva La Vida

See ah, this is just like Primary School again. Some people just need to COPY. It doesn't matter what right. I want my own things, you have to perpetually take them away. Every single fucking time. You know what? Balls to you. Don't come find me when you eventually fuck yourself over. Which I know you will. Go find your own goddamn circle.

I am the circle and the circle is me.

Sian. Last 2 weeks couldn't do much cos of that accursed History test. And that's only like 12 essays or so. Can't imagine Prelim 2 Modern World. Actually, come to think of it, should start now already. Then still got Chem. Organic Chem!!! Need to start understanding it. Perfect Guide, anyone? Timo still needs it so I have to wait till his MYE over first before I can revise it. For now, focus on compiling all the subjects' stuff. My cupboard now is like a bomb exploded inside. I just shove shove all my things inside. So, need to sort it out. Maybe tonight. Although I'll prolly procrastinate. But at least I did PDA alr. But it was damn screwed up! First time <20 :( But then the questions also don't make sense. I seriously wonder who does the diagrams.

Getting more ideas for FSD

I had the weirdest dream so far last night. Somemore I rmb the entire dream, not just one part. So it was like I was having this race in the ocean, as part of some Cat High thing. Then there was this guy, who had some powers or something. So he went into this like arcade room. But a bad guy captured him and force him to summon this frigging beast sea monster! So everyone abandon ship! Ahhhhhh! Then we swam to the finish. And at the finish line got someone taking pictures. I think was Mdm amd Zhan Hong. Plud there was this huge group of random people. Got some NPCC guys doing PDS. Plus some dancers. So I was walking around and see Fr. Paul Staes wearing a suit and sitting in the hot sun having lunch with some students. They all sweating like mad.

And then I woke up. Dafaq did I just dream?

Some people really need to die in a hole. People just ignore your shit, or get duped by your antics. I know what it's really like. But I can't do anything right? If I do, I'm unreasonable. I'm unjustified. I'm bullying. So whatever. I'll just wait for you to die on the streets. Cos taking my stuff never seems enough to you. Worthless shit.

Good Night

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Warning Shots

Scumbags, what some people are. Hypocritical, narcissistic, idiots. Some people need to grow a pair and learn how to be a normal, civilised human being. Acting like a woman and a kid all at once. Vent your insecurity on other people.

Some people.

Cos that's what you are innit? Just an insecure loser who takes things overly seriously in an attempt to show your ''badass''-ness. Pfft. More like idiotic and compulsive. Think you know how to play the game. Trying so hard to win. Getting on popular people's good sides with your round of drinks. Treating people beneath you like shit. So obviously just another jerk conditioned by your constant worry of being viewed as weak and nobody. That's why you joined also right? Cos you want to feel some measure of security over your ''achievements''. Trying to imitate the societal perfect person, and if that fails, attempting to use your ''advantage'' to put people down.

Ok enough ranting.

But wait! I wonder what kind of SG we will grow into... everything expensive as heck now. At least in sch, can't really feel the brunt of it. But when enter workforce? Haiz. My dream job seems harder and harder to attain with each medical checkup. Bloody hell. And if that fails, then how? My fallback isn't really viewed well by most people. Read the blog post by the MRT driver. And also just now watching the news. Agh. Trying to solve our ageing population by bringing in MORE foreigners. Which will lead to less/worse job prospects for SGeans. Which will discourage us from having families. Govt don't get it. Thinks throwing money and incentives will solve the problem. Thinks making us ''useful'' to foreigners will help. Ya, it does. That's the only thing we can rely on anyway. But who reaps the benefits? Not the middle-lower class. Hell no. IRs earning so much, so many MNCs in SG. But what happens? Rising prices for US, because MAS wants to keep us a lucrative option for THEM. *facepalm* and without the sufficient pay increase in median income to account for.

Whatever. 4.8% inflation, _l_

Good Night

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Send In The Clowns

Don't bother, they're here. Scumbag brain is scumbag. I have no chance at all, causing it to be annoyingly hard to concentrate now. No chance. Repeat again. Zzz History test next Friday and still haven't internalise Kit B. Screwed. Mind wandering off. Need more time in the Room. Sort things out.

No distractions.

I know kinda late lah, but Affirmation Ceremony was like 2 Saturdays ago? Gosh. Day before was rehearsals, which was kinda screwed for us, in any case. A lot of mid-airs. Which happened to be caused by a certain *cough*Danial*cough* Then Commandant damn bu shuang, ask us change song again cos Arrival To Earth's quality was sucky. So we had to re-choreo and hardcore train until like 10.30 at SIS, then all went Bishan J8 for dinner at Pastamania. Haiya, should have just suck all the DC's money lol! Next morning reported slightly later, around 9.30 instead. Had a full round of rehearsals, which included yet another mid-air. Then Commandant told us off, threaten to take out our performance (read: 2.5months of training) if we cannot guarantee audience safety. So while everyone go eat lunch we all train around 2 times to prepare. Then just wait for actual thing. Can see the first few units start streaming in, heart beat multiply liao lol. So yeah, stood by the side to watch before our segment. Came our turn, Daniel led a short prayer, during which I found out he's another denomination. But doesn't matter, a topic for another time. Went on stage, people cheered like crazy... cos they turned off the lights hahaha! During which they swung their lightsticks around like madmen. Launch was ok, although I did stall launch. But recovered and joined the rest. Synchro was the most scary, especially coming out of the low pass. But everyone followed their flight path, so it was fine. Landing that time we somehow accidentally staggered it in order, me --> Danial --> Daniel --> Ying Wei. So had a nice effect. After that, wah happy day liao! Finale finish all go pack up. Stupid stupid stupid me can forget to take my dust cover :(((( they still haven't found it I think :'( Went to Gan Eng Seng Sec after that to fly. I think that was the most fun. Don't need care, just spam stunts. The mass stall turn was sexyyyy. Funny thing, SIS so big, so many mid-airs. GESS around a tenth of the size and half the height, no problems. Reached home at like 11.30 that day. Bathe, sleep liao, wake up early next morning for church :P

So that week was kinda weird as well. Went to watch Mirror Mirror on Wednesday with Marcus, President Ho, Maths Wang and Al-lose. Not a good movie, but cute and fun to watch lah. Friday went to see Battleship with ZB, XB and Ian. Definitely entertaining, the Vfx were awesomeeee! So much more coherent than Transformers.

Went for TWO weddings next day. Served one in the morning, attended my mother's cousin's in the evening. Weddings really make you think alot. Do you think anyone'll make me their Best Man? Hahahah I'll prolly be the half-drunk one shouting stupid things like ''Kiss again! Longer!'' Together with Ze Bin. Lucas, we're betting on you;) Although that time I was just mostly thinking of the food. I seem to eating, or at least be more hungry, the last few days :P

A wise man said, only fools rush in. I'll find you again one day, just need some sorting out right now.

Whoo! Air Knights 2012 <3

Good Night

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Public Relations

It's a funny thing, PR managers. Not the ones in companies or organisations. It's the ones inside our brain, the ones that tries to raise the profile of our ''good deeds'' to improve the opinions people have of us and so improve the impression we give and ultimately climb the societal ladder. Even if it's not true. And the thing that got me thinking about this is the picture that's making it's rounds on FB now. Of the group of students and the foreign workers. The hypocrisy of people is appalling. Many people probably don't give 2 shits about foreign workers. Yet when suddenly everyone starts spreading the photo they join in the chorus with things like ''everyone shd be like them'' or ''they're humans too!''. There are enough examples. Kony suddenly miraculously turned everyone into a social activist overnight. Wow, a video on Youtube really changed your outlook on life didn't it? Not only this example, but many others also. Not saying that everyone is like that, some ppl are really sincere. But just wait, the hypocrites will jump on the bandwagon and show themselves eventually. Not just confined to hypocrisy. The sheer stupidy of people also. The racist poly student, the idiotic NUS china scholar. Yesterday scrolling through the New Feed and seeing posts along the lines of ''wah if only SG really got tsunami!'' And I'm like ''The shit is wrong with you people'' Even if you say as a joke, it's still bloody insensitive. Why don't you try going Indonesia or Sri Lanka and say that. I'll welcome home your box.

Agh, people be stupid.

Yesterday also had some talk by this guy Simon Tay. Keep thinking it's Steven Tay lol! Then got this guy come and freaking BOOTLICK sia. Felt nauseous hearing it. But then the NUS-Yale conundrum came up. Which is actually quite a tricky topic. Hmm... sekali O Level come out. Reminded me of the argument I had with one of CHS alumni studying in US now. Argument, not debate, becausw I don't remember condescending tones being used on the other party as a ''debate'' Tsk. Your FB info says your from Malaysia. Still want scold SG and defend US so fervently. Pfft, bet you liked being part of the minority race in Malaysia. Talk so much. I guess maybe he's so resentful about lack of FOS in SG is kinda becos of the Malaysian experience. Like being Chinese there, I guess there's a lot more of restrictions on what you say. Even if you get it out, doesn't mean you're heard or heeded. But hey, SG's not like that, I believe. Yes, you can say we are a benevolent dictatorship. But hey, it's worked well. If we defended racism and homophobia using FOS, that would totally defeat the purpose, wouldn't it? Maybe in Malaysia, or the examples he brought up like Norway or Sweden (I think), speaking out is not so dangerous because there's a majority there. Like if a Malay insulted Chinese, not like the Chinese can fight back. Let the government settle more peacefully lor. And no Chinese in his right mind would insult Malays, especially in Malaysia. So maybe FOS in these countries is more relaxed. And FOS is not just social, but political as well, which thus allows more criticism as a result. And maybe that's why he resents the controlled environment here. Only thing I can say is, nothing nice to say, don't say. I'm still learning, so you can point out where I'm wrong, this blog post included if anyone has objections.

And as for Yale, they pass a resolution ''to show concern regarding civil rights in SG'' The points are valid, but don't you think it's kinda weird coming from the country which still hasn't shut down Guantanamo? By the same principle, Yale should ''express concern'' to their own government as well. Not that I've heard anything on that note so far.

Oh well...

Not in the mood for much now. Looking at Crescent Girl's Prelim paper this afternoon and thinking ''I'm screwed for Prelim 2''

Primus Interpares

Good Night.

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Impedence

Mindfuck, last few days, frustrating. Chionging back and forth, here and there. Slightly regretting, but hopefully it's still worth it. There's so little to work for now.

Chalet was awesome. When we got there everyone was waiting and like throwing sweets and balloons. So we went upstairs and we received our gifts, which were damn nice. Haha Lucas' and Ze Bin's bears were damn cuteeee. Lol the Man U ball was damn cool :D In the end, hardly ate any dinner, landed up hardcore-ing soccer. Played from like 7 to 11, until the uncle pass us a notice to lower our volume. Went up and they were still playing Blackshot. Played with them for a while, then felt kinda tired so I went sleep. The rest also slept soon after cos apparently that's the time all the zai kias play, and they were getting pwned. Lucas planned to get everyone watch sunrise next morning, but then it was raining. Such a cockblocker. Go breakfast also so troublesome. Had prataaaaaa! So nice lol, but the rain, as usual, such a dampener. After I chionged home to get my stuff and go HQ... in the end commandant didn't come lor. But at least I managed to fix up my light circuit properly. I swear, light circuits are the bane of my life.

Ah well, actually there's not much. But my G8 results should be coming out soon... nervousssss.

Good Night

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Next Chapter

I still think it hasn't sunk in, the fact that POP has passed. Maybe it will this Friday. Actually come to think of it, it's probably the other way round, and I've fully accepted it. Either way, I feel rather calm thinking about. The transition period was definitely smoother this year.

I've spent probably around half my secondary school life doing N Air stuff. It's become so ingrained already. Right now I can't imagine not having the air store to slack in. Agh where am I going to keep my stuff .____. It occupied so much of my energy.... and now I am no longer part of N Air. Even if I come back as a CLT I'd be under HQ. There are many regrets during my before and during my term, but it's too late now. All I can hope for is that I made the right choices which could help now. I really hope and pray that I (we) didn't make a mistake when we chose you. Now you're nothing but a shadow of yourself. You changed much too soon and I'm worried. I see past photos, photos of the real you, the you who tried his best to maximise what he had. Now you retreat into a shell. Oh well.

We'll just have to wait and see.

I guess this past 4 years is something I will truly never forget. A watermark on my soul.

Now I'm lost for words. Agh. But you get the idea. It feels rather hollow now.

So there was HBL today. Me, Ian, Lucas and Xiang Bin went Nibez house to do. So stupid, I didn't bring charger. 3hrs in my notebook runs out of juice. Pfft, whole HBL land up just spamming/stalking people lor. All crazy... gosh Nibez mom is so cute lol, so smiley :D

I'm too tired liao... maybe I'll continue tmr

Primus Interpares

Good Night

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Iridescent

Well it's been a topsy-turvy kind of week so far...

Had my violin Grade 8 exam on Tuesday. Strangely I didn't feel like super nervous. As in ya lah, I was nervous, but not until like my Chinese O Level. Which should've been the case, given that the preparation period for this was twice as long. Do badly ah, wah jialat liao. But yeah, the actual thing went ok... pieces and scales went fine. Sight reading, surprisingly, almost smooth, though I did ignore thw dynamics. Aural was a bit disappointing. Chords, screwed up as expected. But sight singing was... *facepalm* haiyo... modulations.I think my 2nd one might've been wrong. Description was the only smooth one :P So yeah, hoping for a distinction. Results out in 2-3 weeks...

Last Saturday was disappointing... but that's it then, I guess. A wake up call... not to have such a high opinion of ourselves. It's almost karmic how we lost really badly to some of the schools we were virtually laughing at. ACSI Sea, for instance, got a lot of potential. The improvement from last year to this year was tremendous. Imagine 3-4 years down, what they could achieve. Bedok View also, this year already rivalling YTSS and HCI in all but choreography. So that's that then... just have to learn from our mistakes and support tmr's FSD with all we've got. We have a real chance at it I tell you :)

Wednesday went to watch Wicked, which was like awesome! You don't get this kind of soul-touching moments too often. The things it makes you think about are really causes for our own self-reflection, hoping we can strive to be a better person. Definitely worthy of the standing ovation it received.

So yeah, I guess sometimes we are really just too caught up in the hustle and bustle of everything. Now holidays cannot relax also. But like, must always be aware of not just of what goes on around us, but inside us also. Like letting everyday change you from your original self. Snapping at others because you're too stressed and annoyed or using some poor innocent to vent your anger because of some injustice done to you. So yeah, we just have to let all this go instead of bottling everything. Then we can stay ourselves, instead of having someone say ''You've changed'' and you dread the reason why they said that.

Good Night

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Insects

People are disgusting.

So many people in Syria are dying. Not cos ''certain'' countries humji. They just don't want ''waste money''. But Libya CANN what. Got oil mah! So much more oil! 3% if I'm not wrong. But no, Assad bombs Homs and hundreds die yet no one wants to give a fuck. Stupid Russia and China. Trying to uphold a piece of shit in power to protect their own investments. Superior weapons against superior numbers. The ultimate recipe for disastrous slaughter. What we need now is someone to go in and kick ass. Election year then suddenly everyone so ''considerate''. Libya worked didn't it? So much for humanitarian aid, Syria's dead civilians dwarf Libya's already but still no action is taken. Innocent journalists and people dies in Homs. ''Terrorist attack''. Fucking bullshit. Whatever happened to R2P? Looks like we never really did learn from Rwanda.

Now come out this Kony fellow. Bloody cockroach. LRA my ass. Want to be a douchebag go use some other title. Not like we have enough bad press already, still want to use the ''L'' in LRA. War crimes under the name of God. Over-zealous retard. Someone needs to stop this guy.

Good Night

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Second Chances

We got into the finals:) Honestly didn't expect it. But the Part Cs did well with the choreo to warrant some redemption, so good job. Real battle's in 2 weeks. I think I should've gone down to supervise earlier... now quite rush to perfect everything. But hopefully can push them for the trainings before finals. Target top 5... definitely can if now screw ups.

Confirm :)

Kind of wish I was a Part C now. Then I'd be looking forward to POP, not the opposite. I would've tasted my first final in a HQ competition. All those years, now I wish I was right there on the parade square instead of watching the efforts of others. Culmination of years of effort. So much potential. Hopefully it isn't wasted.

We'll be champions one day:)

2 countdowns now.

Sometimes you can have all the friends in the world and yet be the most screwed up. You talk like everything's good and perfect. But today you couldn't even face that direction. No attempt madr to walk up. And funny how we're on opposite sides of the spectrum.

''Because one cannot live while the other survives''

Hope I can maintain for Prelim 2. Really really wish this term wasn't just a fluke ><

13 March. Freedom.

Good Night

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Tolerism

Haha the word doesn't even exist. It's supposed to be tolerance, and somehow I inadvertently used the title instead when I was talking to Weng Han the other day. Gosh, brain fry liao.

Is it weird that I want get back my results faster? I always get the feeling that I fulfill my own expectations, but usually that never happens. Other classes all get back already...

First Affirm training today. Didn't know Chiam was also part of it lol. Saw him then I surprised. I still can't believe the tee so ex. Don't even have name then $24 :/ Started off flying the Diamond. Ugh the sensitivity on it is just annoying sometimes. Motor so heavy, want turn always overshoot and drop.. did ok enough, so I convert to the Tulip :D Haha, to its credit, the colour combination quite nice. But symmetrical colours still nicer... looks a lot like the SB. But the tail super cool. Like shark fin liddat *cue Jaws music* Then Danial lah, crash his Tulip into the ammo dump. Now have to go through 2SIR to get it ._. Supposed to T-loan out the kites & transmitters today cos Friday supposed to go ACSI. But DC say he Friday CMI, so too bad. Well at least I don't need miss the first probation.

Sometimes you think so much then you end up mentally scolding/hitting yourself. Too depressing sometimes. Unacceptable. Today just bullshit lah :D

Lol the Call Me Maybe video is Most Viewed this week. So rare you see celebrities acting candidly and fooling around. The song's nice also:)

Good Night

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Waiting For The End

It's true you know, sometimes you wonder if everything you did made a difference. What if you study like siao but Os damn cui? What if work your ass off but nothing is achieved? What if after all that time close friends become nothing more than an obscure memory? Haiz. It might not matter on a whole, but it might matter to that one starfish.

Hehe, see what I did there?

Tsk, becoming more and more lame. MUST be cos of certain teachers. CERTAIN teachers...

And then you happen to find those kind of people, like when I was reading Autumn. You get the people act like some big shot, but when it comes to the actual thing, they crumble. The reasoning is simple enough. But I don't know, sometimes that's bad, sometimes otherwise..

Not like we have a zombie apocalypse yet. Really leh, I think our generation is more prepared for that than for national exams. I personally think it'd be quite cool, that is to say, if I survive the source of the apocalypse in the first place. Then don't need worry about Os.

Passed HCL, hallelujah. Just only lol, 49.5. Then they'll round up. I seriously didn't expect to pass. Now I'm just happy I'm not the lowest in class (well, according to ZB). Aiming for my original Term 4 target of <15pts. Then slowly work my way down.

I'm nearly falling asleep lol.

Next week will signal the decrescendo of our term.

Just 1 more week.

Good Night.

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Realisation

So I'm typing this in the sacristy in church now cos I just need to get it out.

Funny how it's never to a person, always this blog.

Why don't we just be more hive minded. If everyone understood each other than everyone could mutually benefit. Because that's the key to human relations. Understanding. It's not just knowing the other person. If you can really put yourself in another's shoes, then everything becomes clearer. Like the ending in Inheritance, when Evil Baddie Galbatorix kills himself because he understands pain and suffering caused by him. Weird example, but you get the point.

Problem is, no one is really willing to open up. It puts them in a vulnerable position. You keep it to yourself and hope everything works itself out. Everyone always thinks they're sure. ''Definitely'', you tell yourself. But if you take a step back afterwards, you realise you weren't very sure in the first place. You just thought you were.

You see, what did I tell you? Don't believe me, now look at the shit you're in.

Your brain's closer to your mouth than your heart, so think with the former not the latter before you speak.

Bloody frustrated.

Even win last night also cannot be happy. Arrogant crybaby Suarez. Don't want shake hand. In the wrong still want guai lan. _l_

Fuck this shit, family is a burden.

Good Night

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Somebody That I Used To Know

Had a long talk with the Part Cs yesterday night. In the end 9pm reach home. Feels so weird, because I remember last time seniors did that with us. Talk about once we take over, how you must study hard (really wish I'd listened to that), joking about teachers... Then now I'm in that position. Sharing the world from a senior perspective. And thinking back to when we took over it's really just like yesterday, and 10 months just went by so quickly. Like poof! POP, Spec Course, NCCDP, SSC, Mt. Ophir, OBS...

Haiyo now I forgotten what I wanted say liao

Oh yes! Remember liao! It's cos I was like talking to Wen Bin yesterday, and school came up. And most people are ''CHS? Good school right?'' But when you take a closer look it's mostly because of the top classes. When Mr Quay showed us his last year Double Science class results and you see how bloody dismal it is, it just made me realise ''I'm fucked''. The wonderful results the ''school'' has is just a facade. They should be saying ''Our triple science classes have done exceptionally well! (As usual. And as usual, the bloody burdens over in double screwed up our MSG)'' I bet if they could, they would never release the double science classes results in case they lose face. And that's the problem right there isn't it? Almost every school only wants the best to be better. That way they can cover up the double science. The rest are left to flounder about. Hell, even some tuition centres have entrance exams. Wtf is this shit? Even Jesus was like ''I'm here to help to help those that need it, not those who are already fine'' Doctors are here to help the sick, not administer to the healthy. So better teachers should teach weaker classes, not the other way round. But it's also partly our fault. Just look at my class. Chemistry free period start going crazy. Other classes would be doing homework but noooooo, we have people who start throwing stuff at each other. Even sleeping would be ok.

In short, I'm pretty much screwed.

At least we won tonight.

Good Night

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Haiyo

Tsk tsk, only end of January already and I no motivation. How survive Term 3... *headbang* Start of the year wah, do ALL the homework! Now more like, meh... Actually I realise January end quite fast...

9 more months...

And still so many problems haven't sort out.

I think too many people put on a parade. Just for appearing to be good people. It's like a super-talented person act modestly. I don't know lah, maybe it's good. Sometimes it's annoying. Lost chances. Everyone needs courage, but how many actually go all out?

Haiz

And now I'm looking at my bro's rankless No. 4 and thinking, if only can go back to last time. No worries. No hurt. No constant mindfuck over what's the right thing to do.

Affirmation's Air Knights team. Finally a purpose. Something to smile about. :)

Haiyo...

Good Night

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Another New Year

Haiyo not posting enough. Just finished my English compre, still got another set of homework. And I'm going visiting tomorrow. MAYBE I should've done it over the weekend. MAYBE. Sneaky teachers...

Sometimes I wonder if everything I do is going to be wasted. The most common phrase this weekend seems to be "Oh Sec 4 already ah? O levels right? Good luck ah!" *Hands me ang pao*

*thinking to myself: I need all the luck I can get* If everything I do go down the drain, I don't know what I'll do. Cry? Scream? Commit myself to an eternity of silence? Slap Mr Quay? Hear too many horror stories already.

Wah stress.

But cannot be leh... I don't know lah. It's like, the last few days I just feel damn frustrated for no apparent reason. Just need to find someone to scold/punch/stab/kick/*insert violent action here* So yeah. But now also not supposed to be stress period yet. School's barely started...

I thought everything would be fine. Am I getting disappointed over nothing again? Need to find someone to blame for all the trouble I've caused, yet I know that hey, I need to look in the fucking mirror.

I don't want to be an old man filled with regret, waiting in a room for someone to wash ashore and bring me out of limbo.

And now it's everyone for themselves. I don't think I'll even be able to outline the book I wanna write. Got so many ideas in my head, but procrastinating and still haven't put it down.

Haiz, want win more money also cannot, cos no one to gamble with. Haha greedy much. It seems like everyone else so close with their relatives.. all I do is eat dinner with them. I hardly even get to see my extended family on my mother's side. All my cousins there are so old alreadyyy....

Tsk tsk

Good Night

Snowballing

Wah kao, so long haven't blog already. MUST be because of homework, not that I too lazy. Pfft, now Wen Bin interrupting me.

Haiya

Anyway, so early I feel like dying liao. I think Tuesdays are the worst. First of all, got Chinese remedial, either do Paper 1 or 2. I prefer Paper 2 lor, Paper 1 is seriously mind-killing. In the end today's Paper 1 I also never finish... then after that violin from 5.15 to 6.15. Siao eh, plus my violin teacher always scold me. Haiz, can't wait to finish exam to free up my time. Hope I get good result for Grade 8 also... After violin still got Aural from 7-8pm. Therefore, we can conclude that Tuesdays are totally screwed up. Already can feel the stress piling on.

And I think I give up Chem le. UHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM... yeap. Join Tseng, problem solved. I seriously no hope for it le. I don't know why other people say AT very good. Maybe he really good, but I for one can't understand anything for nuts.

In other depressing news, we got damn little people who put first choice. I don't know lah, relatively it's not that little. But we've always relied on the fact that having a larger pool to choose from would be better. Can blame a lot of things lah, becuase honestly speaking, I think the hard-selling was quite effective. All we needed was to enforce it into their brains. But too bad, this year exhibition walkabout format, hardly anyone came to our stall. Plus, it was so frigging windy I couldn't fly the kite. So everything we said all wasted, forgotten. Haiya... *headbang*

Then now what, another retard come out make Singaporeans look like shit. Adelyn trend on Twitter, Aaron Tan video so many people see, Steven Lim joke of the decade, Ris Low don't know how speak English... now got what, some Amos Yee. Whatthefugg lah. Think he such a big shit. Diss this novel, that novel. Go write your own goddamn book lah, I see how well you can write. What shit, say "dumb mother" then show a picture of Taylor Swift. Dumbfuck. What's worse is that adults actually seem impressed by his supposed intellect and maturity. So bleeping out "sex" is mature lah. And complaining that Pride & Prejudice doesn't have any sex scenes. Bullshit, love story need sex scene is it? Bloody hell, someone needs to show that guy just how bloody stupid he is. And annoying.

Good Night

Hope and faith

Because isn't that what everyone clings to?

She points through the hole into the dark throat of the diseased landscape.
''I think you're more dangerous than what's out there''
''Well, little girl,'' he says, ''that's a funny thing you just uttered. Because I was just not thinkin the same thing about you''

That's from The Reapers are The Angels. Not the most nicest book to me, but definitely one of the most impactful. I guess I can relate a lot to Temple. I think one day if there ever is a zombie apocalypse, I just might turn out like her. Except I don't hope to end up like her at the end of the book, six feet under. She understands who she is and loathes herself all the more for it. She does what is required, but loves and hates it at the same time. The profound-ness of it all really hits home. Struggling and struggling against a desolate world and yourself. They say your greatest enemy is yourself. How true..

There is no such thing as good people, just people who don't do evil.

I was hoping I wouldn't have to dwell on any more of such unpleasantries, but seeing as how school is so sian... well...

At least we have an extended recess. I appreciate the move, but I don't think it's good. I don't know why, but the easiest explanation I can give is that it's not fair when other schools only have like 20mins. That's not really why I dislike it, but I dunno... it just feels... wrong. Like wasting too much time.. Well at least Mr Ng does a good enough job. Although I do miss both Mrs Lim and Mr Teo. Such epic teachers.. and Mr Thomas seems okay too.. hope I survive.

I think I suspected it early enough. And although I was hoping otherwise... well fate had something different planned. Emotions are a funny thing aren't they? It's things like these that make me glad I didn't acquiesce. I'm not gonna rip someone apart just to stall my own self-destruction. You'll never get it, no one ever does. All I can say is you just need to close yourself up for awhile an flush out the demons in your mind. Cleanse yourself then starts anew. The world has always succeeded through trial and error. If you keep harping on the same mistake, you're a fool who's getting yourself nowhere. Just hurting yourself.

I think I'll try writing a book. After all the post-apocalyptic stories, I have some ideas... just something to destress me when I have free time..

Good Night.

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