and
A month and a half left.
I feel like at this point in time I need a giant signboard over my head that states my enlistment date along with what day it will be and what time. Almost every conversation I've had with anyone has included the question of when I'm enlisting and the occasional "are you excited/scared/ready" to which I usually answer "no/no/I couldn't really care less".
Conclusion.
Results came out about half a month ago. Even with only 3 national exams I've taken so far, I feel this has got to be one of the strangest. I can't say I wasn't disappointed slightly by how A levels turned out. But at the same time I'm pretty okay with it actually. I guess it helps knowing that I got the result that I deserved, no more no less. In the end, doing well would've just been a nice bonus. I'm still happy for those that did well at the same time. Almost everyone in the team did well so I'm quite proud of them, especially since they studied so hard for it. Then again, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't salty about those people who were going around "OMG I did better than expected" Well yeah kudos to you then :P I'm in a frustrating spot now though, where personally I'm quite okay with my grades, but at the same time they're just below last year's cutoff for the NTU School of Comms. That's been my sole goal ever since I decided I wanted to do journalism. Tried to bolster my application through the discretionary application, hoping and praying that I'll get in. Second choice at NTU for me would be Sociology, cos that seems like the closest alternative to doing journalism, but I don't know whether I'd be able to enjoy doing it. We'll see how it goes. Strangely enough, when I've just fallen short of something, the second option somehow turns out to be better. It happened in NCC and O levels, so here's to hoping everything works out fine in the end again.
I can't say that this hiatus hasn't had it's fair share of downsides. Though to say something would kinda be like a "first world problems" kind of thing. I can tell that I've been pretty extra during the J2 trainings, but they're just too nice to be a dick to me about it :P It's only really been Jia Zhi and me that's left. I guess Jas would climb if her work wasn't so far from CA. I'm still avoiding the issue lol, but out with it. I guess there's a lot of things they don't tell you as a kid. They tell you adulthood or growing up is filled with responsibilities. They tell you that you have to earn your keep, that you have to eat healthy once your body starts to conk out, that paying bills and shit is well, shit. What they don't tell you is that there is no fairytale ending. That sometimes the loneliness you feel is crushing. That sometimes you literally ache at the feeling of emptiness. And that sometimes you're so unsure of yourself simply because you can't tell if it's just the loneliness latching on to the first thing it sees, or if you actually give a shit about others. And then you tell yourself that no, you actually do care but in the times of solitude? When no one else is around and the eerie comfort of silence welcomes you again and you just, sink right into it. Letting in body and soul until your mind shakes you to tell you that what you need is PEOPLE. What you need is a PERSON. There's a lot of things that I don't know anymore.
Fucking Larkin.
Good Night
I really like this MV
Sugar?
Yes Please
