In all seriousness, Krabi was over the last week or so and I'm really relieved that nothing major happened during the trip. Still fucking salty though, that I lost my specs during deep water AND I left my chalkbag behind at one of the walls. Other than that, I can safely say that was the most fun trip I've ever had. It was nice to be able to just go out with the squad and do our own shit. First day was mostly chill since with landed in the late afternoon around there. Had our first dinner at the local Thai restaurant and it was fuckin good. Decided to sign up for Deep Water Solo the next day with King Climbers (the guys who did our guide book). Deep water was definitely an experience but also the kind of thing I don't think I'd do again. Maybe if it was a proper route and not with other people, it'd be much nicer. In any case, the one we did made DWS seem overrated. Partly cos there were so many other people there it kinda crowded up the experience. Also cos it wasn't a legit route and it was basically like a sideways traverse. First climb was the highest but that was cos I didn't really know what to expect. Jumped off cos they told me not to climb too high and thank god they did. Impact was a bitch and that was where I lost my specs. Whole thing was pretty tiring probably cos the swimming with climbing shoes on was EXHAUSTING. That, and having to climb back into the speedboat. Got pretty done with it after a while haha. Second day was what I was looking forward to when we went to lead. This was still with the whole group so we decided to go for an easier wall. Only managed to get in about 2 climbs throughout the whole day cos there were so many of us. 3rd day Vincent, Haziq and Hubert went home. Jia Zhi was sick that day so we basically just slacked for the rest of the day. A bit lazy to type out the rest of the trip, and it was kinda just slacking and climbing mostly so I won't go into detail. Met a really chill Malaysian guy though, shame I forgot to get his name. He comes to SG to climb quite often. Also found it kinda funny how the trip turned into a pseudo photoshoot instead of a climbing one.
Here's the list of climbs in order:
Muay Thai 6B+
We Sad 6A+
Pahn Taalod (Always Pass) 6A
The Lion King 6C+
Tidal Wave 7B+/7C (Uncompleted, but a helluva route I'd want to try again in the future)
Vikings In Heat 6C
Hin Rong Hai (Crying Rock) 6C
Jumping for Jugs 6C
Strangely enough, the only flashes I held were the first 2 which we did on day 1. I do regret not being able to climb more routes, especially the 6C+s and maybe a few 7As. But I guess I'd chalk (heh) that down to lack of experience climbing overseas, seeing as we needed to take a lot of factors into account such as the position of the sun and the tide into whether we could climb or not. But all in all I think it was a very worth it trip.
Been in a really really really shitty mood since I came back from Krabi. I've just been super done with a lot of things and it's almost always "fuck this shit I'm out". Got a bit irritated with someone recently also. I mean it's one thing to pangseh, but to do it so many times? And the least you could do was to reply my calls instead of hanging up. I mean cmon. I guess I'm just tired of trying to make an effort for people and fake being happy you know. Even in Krabi sometimes the emotion just hits and my smile falters, so I just sit there staring into the sea and wondering why, just why. Maybe in the end everyone's just closer to everyone else, and I'm just. Well. I'm just here yknow. I want to feel like I mean something sometimes but most of the time I can't even be happy with myself. And it shows. I try so desperately to connect with someone anyone but it ends with 2 blue ticks. I honestly have so little fucks to give about everything already but. In the end I come crawling back. And I'm so scared of looking like a self-pitying fool because in reality that's the truth. There are people worse off than me and I do try to think of that. Sometimes I just try looking on the bright side but I always feel it at the back of my neck, breathing down. The voice that brings me back down to the ground face first and shows me how really empty I am.
Help.
Good Night
