Understanding

Hey there old friend, sorry I haven't posted in a while. Need to dust you off more often before I forget you hahaha.

So last week we had Annual Camp plus Air Comp and stuff. Annual Camp first.

It started on Friday afternoon but I only went down in the evening. Can't remember why though, probably PW or something. Funny thing was that Zhi Ming keep asking me come, in the end he was the latest there. Reached around 6 then called him and he JUST WOKE UP LOL. More or less derped around the 2 classrooms they were having lectures in. Kinda sad to see the state of the unit. There was this guys sitting on a chair and taking notes using a table while everyome else was on the floor. The excuse being he had leg cramps. Since 3pm. To 6pm. Not sure whether to blame his idiocy or the NCOs' imcompetence or the goddamn parents. Haish. Xiang Bin came around dinner time so we went to the market there to eat. Zhi Ming met us there later then we went back to school afterwards. They still had lectures so we sat in. Bloody hell man that Joshua teaching aircraft recognition still blur also. While on the slide for the G550 still can ask me the "clarify" the Early Airborne Warning Aircraft used by RSAF lolwut. So yeah, that happened. Watched Zhi Ming play some DOTA before I left for home. Saturday evening, went to the market again for dinner. They were having tests so nothing much. When they went down for supper we practiced abit of flag drills, cos Zhi Ming and Ze Bin were applying for COC POP Ensigns. Did some retarded shit and PDS for a bit also hahaha. Debriefed the NCOs after that, and talked quite a bit with them about the unit. Sigh, actually a lot of the problems is cos of the retarded CCA HOD. Fucking biased and no idea what he's doing. Because of him a lot of the placements for CCA screwed up, and coupled with the IP system, no one has any real incentive to turn up for training. Oh well. Watched White House Down that night till about 2plus. Damn funny cos Ze Bin was like "Eh stay up the whole night la" then land up Xiang Bin and I were the sole survivors. Went for a quick bunk check before we went to sleep. Woke up the next morning to take PT. Wah honestly sia, their physical standard after a year can die one. The sec 1s cant even do 10 standard holy shiet. Went home to get ready for church around 7plus. Overall, kind of okay camp I guess. Could have been worse, but it was definitely not up to standards. Sigh, seems like the unit is dying. And to be honest, I'm wiping my hands clean of this soon already.

Moving on to Air Comp. Stayed in the previous night. Went in quite late cos I went to watch Vincent  Gabriel and Sarah climb for National team selections. (Vince and Sarah got in haha super happy and proud of them). Had a super retarded time smuggling in Zhi Ming's laptop lol, but no one cared. Just sorted out most of the logistics stuff before we went to sleep. So the next day morning went quite well luh I guess. Met the external judge who was helping me (didn't really like him but he was okay la). Everything was going smoothly - we were ahead of schedule - until the DCs decided to be anal about the AI. So cos of that, we had to go a second round for both Part As and Bs. And it was damn hot outside so I became super black lol. Had lunch and stuff before we tried to wrap things up (Omg I miss the canteen chicken damn shiokkkk). The last thing for the day was the 1m for Part C limbo. I was damn bored so I decided to give some retarded live commentary. It was freakinggggg winddyyyyy but Joshua managed to clear the bar holy shietttt (I think half-tyco though). Then it started freaking pouring so we moved everyone into the MPH and just closed up with what we could. We finished up the rest of the limbo the next morning. All the COs decided to completely reset everything so Joshua lost his score. In the end, North View won the category, and took 2nd place over our 3rd cos of that. Sigh. To be honest I thought that it shouldn't be up to the TOs to decide how the competition to be run. Even Danial thought it would have been fair to let Joshua keep his score. But oh well, what's done is done. Might feedback to the DC that they should lower the weightage for Part C. And that kinda concluded Air Comp 2013. 

Come on, come on, turn a little faster. Come on, come on, the world will follow after. 

Well I guess it's only starting to sink in now. But there's nothing much more to say I think, not that it really matters. I'm just happy I got all of what I wanted to say out. And the retention of hope, keeps most people going. So maybe yes, I'll try. As long as you're happy:) And although it's 2 different things, I think it still applies, that it's proved in the letting go. 

Good Night 

You've been the only thing that's right

In all I've done

Forever

Well it seems like it since my last post. Meh, not much to update besides promos but updating isn't the only thing.

When it's not worth dying for

I beg to differ, whatever it is. ANYWAY. So promos was the burden of my life for like a week and a half. Glad that it's over now but I have Air Comp to organise and PW (especially OP and I&R now) oh man WHY SCHOOL WHY LIFE WHY. WELL... promo results so far has been pretty okay. Passed most my shit except Econs, but that was to be expected anyways. Lit, as usual, is taking a hella long time to come back. Not really sure what to expect, but I hope I pass well enough, or at least maintain the D I got from mid years. Only disappointment came from GP. Screwed up my compre pretty badly (think cos I was a a bit tired couldn't really sleep the night before, but that's no excuse). Compo did "better" but I think I could have done a lot better for that actually. So, nothing much from GP. Felt more relieved that I passed Math and Physics (More so Maths). Could have done better for Physics I think, but I got the mark I deserved. Just glad I don't think I need to retain. Re-paper for Econs sua.

Back to training for climbing now. Think I'm improving so kind of satisfied with that. Managed complete 2 and a half leads one training. Tried the super hard yellow route but couldn't even get past the 3rd clip LOL. Hope I can try again tomorrow and go to maybe the 6th clip. MUST CONQUER THAT SHIT. On a side note, David helped me buy SC2 hehe. I don't even have motivation to climb to Gold elo what is this. SC2 too distracting. Still love the RTS genre after all these years and I think SC2 sounds like a fun alternative to League now :) Though still hoping for that Elise skin hahaha. Looking forward to getting better. Think I play too conservatively. Jian Hui's learning pretty fast, and I got destroyed cos he actually built a barracks in my base and I didn't realise LOL.

After so long, it was nice I guess. To "catch up"(?). Idk, just felt like quite a while. I think I get it luh. I hope it's not really like the trusting, but that others can solve the problem better. Aha. Got it. Even so, it's pretty hard to just sit by. But as long as everything turns out okay... :)

Good Night

PS. (Your turn don't forget LOL)

Wanna mean it when I say it
Can you hear me at all?

Sinkings

Another reflective post I guess. Cos it just came to my mind one day. Revision update though. Just more or less finished Lit, maybe need to Sparknotes Othello (screw that text) but Waterland is about done. Mathssss I THINK I have a chance. Left the later topics and once more shd be fine. Physics need to do earlier topics and read though everything agn then I think can. Econs... read through again, seeing as I've sorta finished before. But I have a prettyyyy bad feeling about this. God I hate myself so much right now

So yeah the thing that was in my head one day was that you know how everyone seems to ask "What do you want to be when you grow up" and people always reply with what they want to DO when they grow up. It's kind of boggling actually, how we always say what we want to DO when we grow up instead of what we want to BE. Do you want to be a good person? Or we always define someone by what they've done. A pilot, a lawyer, you know. But when I think of it, it's funny how my mind always inevitably drifts to. You know how it is sigh. I want. To. Be. Happy. To have courage. Meh, okay this is starting to sound super cringe-y so I'll stop here. But hey, that's basically the essence of what ran through my mind that day. And yeah this is repeating myself but as bad as it sounds and as IMMATURE as I know it is sometimes I really wish something bad would happen to me just so I could have a reason to do something about this. And like, I really don't know how. As in, I know what to do but why am I still SO SO goddamn irritated over this. And FUCK MY LIFE I KEPT THINKING PROMOS STARTED ON WEDNESDAY. IT'S TOMORROW OHGOD WHAT HAVE I DONE. But I think I still have time it's ok it's ok. God I really need to talk to someone now. Ok God. Good. Tomorrow morning.

Sorry for all the short posts lately. Lol nvm I'm not sure who still reads this anyway. Will post about promos... well after promos...

Good Night

I miss the days my mind would just rest quiet

My imagination hadn't turned on me yet

Fenlands

Sigh, been a while since I last posted. Quite a bit's happened but nothing of importance lately really. Just some things I need to get off my chest. Exam prep still going pretty slowly. Realised that since I slept through a lot of the earlier part of the year, the topics they did then I really damn noob especially for maths. My inequalities and functions are pretty weak. Then there's still the problem of later topics which, though I kinda sorta understand, are alr hard themselves. Physics is still okay except for superposition which just sucks balls. Need to go through earlier topics again as well. Lit is well... lit lol. And econs I've more or less covered the syllabus, but need to read through one more time. All in all, meh :P

Onwards

I guess maybe after a while you just got bored. Or something. All I know is that it used to be happier. I still remember you know. When it was nice to be dependable. Fuck. There's a lot running through my head now and I have NO IDEA how the FUCK to get it out ohgod. Normally I just put it in words and there was never a problem fuck this shit. Just so, so, so disappointed. Again and again. And I'm not saying that you can't accept stuff but like, to me it just seems being nice gets taken advantage of all the time because in the end nobody cares innit? And words, in the end, are just words. You say something and tell something but it doesn't. Really. If you mean it them I apologise. But it's odd cos every time I was the only one left after something bad happened, I hoped and prayed and wished. And tried. To make it better. To soften the shitty blow dealt. Or even if there was nothing, it was nice to be reassuring sometimes. But whatever. Because even though I just burned it was nothing. Not even a simple word. Too busy saying good bye. Then again, I could be wrong. I hope I'm wrong, that it was just a change in circumstances. But I know that now, whether it matters to you? Nah. I've just ceased to be anything of interest again eesh. But I think that no, I'm not going to give up. The funny thing is that 5 years ago I was always looking for the approval of others. And I told myself never. I won't be subject to others again. But this time. So no, I'm not going to wallow. I'll just learn to accept the disappointment as it comes and when it eventually culminates... well I can't say I wasn't expecting it. I hope maybe one day you'll realise as well that maybe it's better to at least show something :P

Good Night

Just put up a middle finger to the sky
Let them know we’re still rock ‘n roll

Headstrong

Apologies, haven't posted in a while.

Heh, writing this over the course of a few days in school. People still think I'm writing an essay or something. Writing it down on paper feels so much more therapeutic than typing it down. Feels just that bit more. Human. Kinda important to hold on to something before you become dead inside.

Last Friday, wasn't climbing so went back to training with Ze Bin. Ian was already there :P Speaking of climbing, I've been suspended from our "weekly recreational climbs" lol. By the time we reached sch already they had finished PT and shit already so we just derped around,and Zhi Ming came later. Sad to see the decline in the state of the unit. Standards going down, discipline like cui, protocol not followed. Sheesh. One cadet even "Okay can"-ed me while I was pumping him. Got damn irritated by the Part As cos some of them ponned, and gave freaking stupid excuses. "Got test on Monday need study" (Seriously who studies 3 days in advance in Sec 1), "Got project to do over the weekend" (Sec 1 what bullshit project man). Like honestly, even if they weren't lying, it's still a stupid-ass excuse. You're expected to be able to juggle your responsibilities like seriously sec 1 how hard can it get. It's not even streaming year. 4hrs less studying on a Friday really won't make much diff. The worst part is that, we can't do anything cos of the goddamn parents. I was willing to give a chance to them even though everyone keeps saying what "Strawberry generation". But when I hear from the NCOs what was going on its really damn irritating. WE can't do anything without them complaining to their parents. Like wtf man. After that we met Lucas and went to the prata place at Thomson to eat dinner. Xiang Bin freaking ran from Bishan to there lol. Had a good time chatting and went to Udders after that hahaha :D Lucas ordered this Earl Grey/Green Tea double-scoop, which tasted kind of weird. Yeah, talked a lot (especially about The Conjuring which Lucas watched the other day). Good way to end a crappy week:)

Aish, the things I should have said that time on the way back. Maybe another time.

Last saturday was phase 2 of mod specs. Was the PC again, for Bravo , and Nabil was my APC lol. Nothing much, pretty normal I guess. Chionged finish the tests like the previous phase. Though at one point Nabil got damn pissed off at one guy cos he started before the timing and kept denying it. Then Nabil was like "He probably hates me now... GOOD". LOLOLOL. So we finish up the tests and then talked cock to our own platoons for a bit. I asked Ze Bin if we could switch platoons for awhile so I just like entertained them for a bit. Then one of them asked me if ZB had a girlfriend so I replied "No but he's a pimp" HAHAHAHA and she looked damn confused cos she didn't know what it meant and I was super amused. Apparently my platoon said I was damn talkative (I just didn't want them to get bored). The funny part of the day was marking all the papers and seeing one stupid answer after another LOL. But after a while it got pretty irritating cos I realised no one cared and setting the goddamn paper was a waste of time. Dinnered at KFC after that and went home.

Sigh... Need to talk to a lot of people but I don't know how to approach them. Whether they'll take me seriously/suddenly view me differently. Haish, it's intimidating. But for one, it has to be done. Not sure if they'd do the same for me, but it's my own belief that certain people have the right to know. And realising I'm pretty hypocritical. I keep talking about personal responsibility yet in this case I keep pushing away the blame. And I get super irritated over something that is my own fault. Time to grow some goddamn balls and realise that if you want to do something you can't always expect someone else to start it for you. Lol after all these stupid posts I think people are starting to get an inkling. But for now, I'll just be in the dark as well.

Good Night

Keep your head up

Keep your heart strong