Help

You told me that I have to find my own happiness. And for those few days I did feel better. I think I still do feel better. But it does come creeping back sometimes. The other part of me which tries to constantly inject this intense sense of worthless-ness. I try to drown it out but at the end of the day when I'm alone on my bed trying to sleep, or going home with the earpieces in, it's there. Because one is the part that ones to fit in, and the other one is the part that's ashamed for it.

"Why?"
"I don't know"
"Why continue to do this when you're scared"
"Because I can't do anything for myself"
"And so? How does that help?"
"It doesn't"
"And that's because you'll just make things worse for yourself"
"I guess. Not just myself anyways"

Haha and then it goes back to thinking something could work for me in this respect. Eventually. Because the thing is that as much I can tell myself certain stuff, it helps a bit. But in the long run you still feel this sense of not inferiority, but more of just sitting back. And when nothing happens, that's when the wanting sets in. I want to say I can't help it. But I can.

Looking around though, everyone has their own problems. And it's true. We can help each other, but we're all so averse to it. We feel awkward. We feel intrusive. We feel apart. But then again, there are also other things. And I think that some people just don't need that help.

Thank God for this blog

Good Night

No it's not a good look

gain some self control