Pumpfest 2014 probably my best and at the same time worst showing for bouldering so far. It's true though, what everyone's been saying and repeating. Expect less and gain more. All I wanted for this was to do well and I guess I'm honestly quite happy with my improvement. From consistently being last in the team for boulder comps to 18th overall and 4th (iirc) in the team. Determined to come back stronger for Boulderactive. Kinda scared though, that if I put too much pressure on myself I might not be able to focus. But I think I'll leave that for a later time. Then again happy doesn't necessarily mean satisfied too. The worst is not to have done badly, it's to do well yet knowing you could have done better. Sigh :P A bit disappointed in myself for not keeping my cool on route 3. If I'd just concentrated instead of panicking and anyhow whacking the route, I would've been able to top it and earn myself a spot in the finals and promotion into Inter. But what's done is done. Really happy for those that did get promoted. Hope to join you guys soon :)
On another note, I don't know why I'm getting jealous over such a thing. It's not like it was ever mine to cherish in the first place. And again I know why I'm thinking this way, but knowing and doing are 2 separate things. It all boils down to the same things again, and it just gets worse and worse because the one true remedy for this is more or less the affliction. And I do try, you know. I try to do to others what I would like in return. But maybe it takes a bit more than that. To try and spread a little less sadness and a little more love, care, happiness, comfort. God. Damn. It. Wish I wasn't so... idk. So scared. So aware. And yet just so willing but unable to do something about this.
Because it take two to tango.
Good Night
I got my mind made up and I can't let go
I'm killing every second til it sees my soul
No comments:
Post a Comment