Caves

It's been tiring to be honest. I feel like I've really lost all motivation after CTs. Which is this weird kind of stasis where I feel like mugging really hard but not doing anything at all lol. I blame this on the fact that there isn't really homework per se now. So now after school there isn't really the pressure to do work :P I just laze around mostly and wish I went climbing instead. I think it's a bit of that too hah. I feel like climbing more for some reason. Maybe to get the stress off a bit. The last few sessions climbing have been pretty fun actually. It's nice to just climb without a structured training schedule. Planning our own routes is nice too. That, and the fact that I can feel myself climbing better has totally replaced my motivation to study lol. It's like it shifted from studying to climbing, which is stupid because I need to sacrifice all worldly pleasures for the next 16 weeks.

Cmon man. 

It's been pretty mundane I think. And the fear's coming back. The fear that everyone's just gonna leave now that we're done. And after all we've been through so far. Sheesh. That's why it sucks being so attached to people after a while. I know that it may not happen, and it probably won't. But irrational fear is still irrational, and it's still there. Also, the fact that I still dwell on lots of stupid things isn't helping. If it was just that I think it'd be okay. But it's not. It's the FUCKED up thoughts that pass through your mind. The intrusive ones. The ones you want out of your fucking mind but you somehow think of that shit again. And again. And everywhere you look you make yourself sad because holy shit there's nothing to be sad about. That what the fuck it's completely okay to and yet why do you PINE for that? Now it's only telling yourself

Things could be worse after all, so move forward. 

Good Night

 At the end of the day

Some you win some you don't