Dividing

I initially started off writing this post by saying "Man so much has happened since the last post" until I realised that, well, that isn't true. I wonder how I should feel about that.

Also, that first paragraph was written 2 weeks ago from the rest of this post. Shows how much I've been procrastinating. I titled this post this post Dividing because I was thinking on something that's actually really obvious but has only become apparent to me now. That in the earlier years everyone has more time to spare, and so we manage to commit to many different things. We join 2, or 3 CCAs. We try to be both the Student Council President and the head of the CCA. We devote 4 months of Saturdays to a single night's performance. We put ourselves out there because to us the world is full of possibilities. We stretch what we can do because we love what we do and want to put everything into it. That it's possible to build the future that you've wanted. And then suddenly, there's not a lot of time anymore. You start going home when it's dark. You stay back in the canteen after school not because you want to but because the exams are coming up and you had terrible results previously so even though you hate it and you regret so so much there's no alternative so you grit everything and take out the books and pretend to make an effort. And of course that's not enough. Then you get the letter and before you even realise what's going on you're on a ferry. And now you don't start going home when the sun's already set. In fact, you don't get to go home at all. You resolve to give meaning to what you do and you try. You actually put in effort for once because god damn it you're not completely useless. And the illusion wears off, that it's not all you made it out to be. That nobody actually gives a shit, and you're one of them. That you're just selfish. And that you wait everyday for 5.30 to fuck off pang gang. And now,

Now there's no time left to divide at all.

I also now realise that all it was, on either end, was a slightly less temporary solution for a longer problem. To call it a facade would be disingenuous. It was more of a mutual self-deception. And when the slightly more permanent solution appeared, well what do you think happens to plasters after the cut no longer hurts. I finally understand their dynamic now, once I got the whole picture. Maybe I'd use them as a case study for future reference, so at least I won't be disappointed by either party should the same situation occur again.

I went to watch Your Name today with Timo and Jia Zhi, and it's easily one of my favourite movies. Thinking back on it, I can actually nitpick a few things that led to the movie falling short from perfect, it really was close. Yet at the end of it all I still enjoyed immensely. I think I'm really just a sucker for these kinds of movies. Not romance no, I've never really been one for that. But the struggle against fate. That you can find your happiness and fight for it. That even if takes days, months of years eventually it comes to you. The dream of it all. That coming of age is some beautiful and full of possibility. The movie was incredible on almost every single account. The story was pretty good, the visuals perfect, the soundtrack fit like a glove, and the characters were everything you'd hope to be. If there was any complaint I had it would be that the ending could have been so much more satisfying, but it still gave the closure I wanted from this movie, and that alone indicated how invested I was into it. I think the only movie apart from this to have given me this kind of wistful feeling is 3 Idiots, and in retrospect both have pretty similar endings. If anyone is reading this and hasn't watched it I strongly recommend changing that.

More and more I begin to feel both hopeful yet doubtful for the coming year, because I'm starting to put more and more expectations into it. But then again, it's not like this hasn't disappointed me before.

Good Night

Ah ah ah, well we're pouring gasoline,
So dance around the fire that we once believed in